Man on the Run

1 And Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to all his servants, that they should kill David. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, delighted much in David. 2 And Jonathan told David, “Saul my father seeks to kill you. Therefore be on your guard in the morning. Stay in a secret place and hide yourself. 3 And I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak to my father about you. And if I learn anything I will tell you.” 4 And Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his deeds have brought good to you. 5 For he took his life in his hand and he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord worked a great salvation for all Israel. You saw it, and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by killing David without cause?” 6 And Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan. Saul swore, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be put to death.” 7 And Jonathan called David, and Jonathan reported to him all these things. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as before.

8 And there was war again. And David went out and fought with the Philistines and struck them with a great blow, so that they fled before him. 9 Then a harmful spirit from the Lord came upon Saul, as he sat in his house with his spear in his hand. And David was playing the lyre. 10 And Saul sought to pin David to the wall with the spear, but he eluded Saul, so that he struck the spear into the wall. And David fled and escaped that night. – 1 Samuel 19:1-10 ESV

David had to be one confused young man. On two separate occasions, the king of Israel had tried to pin him to the wall with a spear. But then, that same man turned around and offered David his daughter’s hand in marriage. In his humility, David reluctantly refused to accept this honor from the king, which allowed Saul to award his eldest daughter to another man. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Saul offered David the opportunity to marry his younger daughter, Michal. This on-again-off-again relationship with the king must have left David in a constant state of anxiety. One minute he was the king’s golden boy and the next the king was using him for target practice.

David eventually married Michal, making him a permanent member of the royal family. Yet David seems to have remained blissfully unaware that his new father-in-law was continually plotting ways to exterminate this threat to his reign. Perhaps David simply wrote it all off as nothing more than a symptom of Saul’s anger issues. After all, David had originally been hired to serve as Saul’s “music therapist,” using his harp-playing skills to calm the king when he had one of his bouts of uncontrolled rage. He would have known first-hand just how violent Saul could become. Even when Saul had attempted to kill David with a spear, he probably convinced himself not to take it personally. It was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yet things were far worse than David knew.

Saul was so desperate to eliminate David that he ordered his son Jonathan to oversee the execution of his best friend. He ordered a hit on David and expected his own son to carry it out. This was likely an attempt to force Jonathan to defend his path to the throne by eliminating all competition. Saul had come to see David as the most likely candidate to fulfill the words of the prophet.

“You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you. Had you kept it, the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” – 1 Samuel 13:13-14 NLT

If David was that man, then Jonathan’s path to the throne was in jeopardy. As the son of the king, he was the rightful heir to the throne but David posed a serious threat to any kind of dynastic order for the house of Saul.

Saul was appealing to Jonathan’s sense of self-preservation and expecting his son to defend the family’s honor. He was hoping his son’s intimate relationship with David would provide an easy opportunity to carry out the deadly deed. But Saul didn’t understand the depth of Jonathan’s friendship with David. He was also unaware that his son had already come to grips with the fact that David was God’s choice to be the next king of Israel. He had reconciled himself to that reality and demonstrated his allegiance to David.

Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. – 1 Samuel 18:3-4 NLT

Jonathan had no ambitions for the throne of his father. Instead, he longed to preserve the life of his friend because he knew that David had been set apart by God to serve as the next king of Israel. He knew that it was only a matter of time before David replaced his father on the throne. Jonathan was so sure of David’s success that he begged his friend to not use his future power to seek vengeance on the house of Saul.

“May the Lord be with you, as he was with my father. While I am still alive, extend to me the loyalty of the Lord, or else I will die. Don’t ever cut off your loyalty to my family, not even when the Lord has cut off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth  and called David’s enemies to account.” – 1 Samuel 20:13-16 NLT

So, when Jonathan received his father’s order to take the life of his friend and future king, he took the news hard. He was conflicted because he was being commanded by his father and king to kill someone he cared about deeply. In a desperate attempt to stop this abhorrent plan, he pleaded with his father to reconsider and reminded him of all that David had done for him.

“The king must not sin against his servant David,” Jonathan said. “He’s never done anything to harm you. He has always helped you in any way he could. Have you forgotten about the time he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to all Israel as a result? You were certainly happy about it then. Why should you murder an innocent man like David? There is no reason for it at all.” – 1 Samuel 19:4-5 NLT

Saul seemed to listen to the words of Jonathan, vowing to spare David’s life and welcoming him back into his presence as before. But this happy reunion would prove to be short-lived; it would simply be the calm before the storm. The king whom God had rejected and the man whom God had anointed as his replacement could not coexist for long. Eventually, Saul was going to have to go away. He was the one who would have to be eliminated, not David. God’s plan to place David on the throne of Israel was not going to be curtailed or compromised by anyone or anything. Yet the situation was going to get worse before it got better.

Things appear to have returned to normal, with David winning victories over the Philistines by day and playing his harp for Saul in the evenings. Yet, Saul’s hatred for David remained unchanged. Eventually, in one of his tormented moments, Saul made a third attempt on David’s life. Once again, David narrowly escaped and went into hiding, providing an ominous foreshadowing of David’s future fate. He would soon discover that running and hiding would be a permanent part of his life for years to come. He was to become a fugitive with a bounty on his head and a relentless pursuer on his trail who would stop at nothing until he was dead.

David must have looked back on his anointing by Samuel and wondered what it all meant. Why had the prophet chosen him? What had he been anointed for? David must have assumed that he had been chosen by God to be a great military leader. His miraculous defeat of Goliath and his subsequent victories over the Philistines would have supported this view. But why would God give him success in battle and then allow him to suffer at the hands of his own king? How was he supposed to do his job when his own commander-in-chief was trying to put him to death? None of it made sense and David’s confusion and consternation are clearly seen in the psalms he wrote during this phase of his life.

David had some frank and open conversations with God. He bared his heart and soul before the Lord, learning to communicate with an honesty and openness that only suffering can create. Many of his psalms reflect the nature of his relationship with God, revealing his total transparency and somewhat shocking honesty.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? – Psalm 13:1-2 ESV

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
    and by night, but I find no rest. – Psalm 22:1-2 ESV

I pray to you, O Lord, my rock.
    Do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you are silent,
    I might as well give up and die. – Psalm 28:1 NLT

David was going to learn to trust God but first, he had to learn to be honest and open with God. He would soon discover his own limitations and come to grips with his own weaknesses – the hard way. His anointing by Samuel was just the beginning of his preparation. The Spirit of God coming upon David was instrumental in his early success, but the Spirit of God transforming his heart and character was going to be the key to his future rule and reign.

What would eventually make David a great king are the lessons he would learn while on the run. The time he spent hiding in caves would play a vital role in preparing him for the crown. David was going to learn a lot about himself over the next few years. But, more importantly, he was going to grow in his knowledge of God. What would eventually make him a great king would be his understanding of God’s greatness.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

God’s School of Leadership Development

1 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. 5 And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

6 As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. 7 And the women sang to one another as they celebrated,

“Saul has struck down his thousands,
    and David his ten thousands.”

8 And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9 And Saul eyed David from that day on. – 1 Samuel 18:1-9 ESV

David’s victory over Goliath was going to bring him great fame and a full-time position on Saul’s staff; no more dividing his time between the sheepfold and the palace. Saul gave him a permanent place on the royal payroll. Not only that, David was able to strike up a deep and lasting friendship with Saul’s son, Jonathan. But David’s close proximity to the king was going to result in a growing tension. His popularity among the people was unprecedented. He was a rock star, with a growing fan base and people were not only singing his praises, they were actually making up songs about him. All of this is far from pleasing to Saul because he had never forgotten the fateful words spoken by Samuel the prophet.

“But now your kingdom shall not continue. The Lord has sought out a man after his own heart, and the Lord has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the Lord commanded you.” – 1 Samuel 13:14 ESV

The prophetic message spoken by Samuel remained in the back of Saul’s mind throughout his reign, causing him great unrest as he waited for its fulfillment. Who would his successor be and when would he show up? What would the transition of power look like? Years had passed since Samuel spoke those foreboding words and Saul remained the king of Israel. But he was forced to rule with his head on a swivel, always looking over his shoulder to see if the man after God’s own heart was there.

As he witnessed the meteoric rise of David’s popularity after his defeat of Goliath, Saul must have been conflicted about just what to do with this rising superstar. He recognized that David would be an invaluable addition to his leadership team but, in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but be paranoid and a bit defensive regarding David’s growing fame. Despite assigning him a commission in the Israelite army, Saul began to question David’s loyalty and wonder whether this ambitious young man might be the one of whom Samuel spoke.

The text states that David “was successful wherever Saul sent him” (1 Samuel 18:5 ESV). This young man was a natural-born leader with an innate capacity to succeed at whatever he did. This must have left Saul wondering whether David would grow discontent serving behind the scenes and eventually aspire to a more permanent and powerful position in Israel’s government. Was David conspiring to stage a coup and replace Saul as the king?

It didn’t help that Jonathan, Saul’s son, developed a close friendship with David. These two men ended up sharing a lot in common. Both were faithful believers in Jehovah and had demonstrated their trust in His power by standing up to the Philistine threat despite overwhelming odds. Jonathan and his armor-bearer had snuck into the Philistine camp, slaughtering 20 of their soldiers, and inciting a panic among the enemy troops that led to a surprising Israelite victory. Jonathan’s actions had been motivated by his belief in Jehovah’s presence and power.

“Let’s go across to the outpost of those pagans,” Jonathan said to his armor bearer. “Perhaps the Lord will help us, for nothing can hinder the Lord. He can win a battle whether he has many warriors or only a few!” – 1 Samuel 14:6 NLT

David shared Jonathan’s confidence in Jehovah and was willing to go up against the Philistine giant, Goliath, with nothing more than a slingshot and five smooth stones. But David knew he wasn’t going into battle out-gunned; he had Jehovah on his side.

“I have done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God! The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine!” – 1 Samuel 17:36-37 NLT

David and Jonathan shared a kinship of faith that developed into a deep friendship. They became soulmates who enjoyed a common belief in Jehovah’s preeminence and power to deliver His people from their enemies. Unlike Saul, these two men exhibited a willingness to trust God for the future of the nation and conducted their lives in keeping with His will and according to His commands.

The bond between the two of them was strong and sealed by a surprising display of submission on the part of Jonathan. As the son of Saul, Jonathan was the heir-apparent to the throne of Israel, but in an act of uncoerced humility, he removed his royal robes, armor, and sword, and presented them to David as a gift. It would appear that Jonathan somehow knew that David was to be the next king of Israel and he was willing to divest himself of all rights to the throne so that his friend might serve in his place.

“. . . when Jonathan took off his robe (a symbol of the Israelite kingdom; cf. 15:27-28…) and gave it to David (v. 4), he was in effect transferring his own status as heir apparent to him . . .” – Ronald F. Youngblood, "1, 2 Samuel," in Deuteronomy-2 Samuel, vol. 3 of
The Expositor's Bible Commentary

But Saul grew concerned that David would use his friendship with Jonathan and his access to the palace as the means for staging a coup. So, he intended to keep David close so that he could keep an eye on him. Yet everywhere Saul turned, he literally heard the people singing David’s praises.

“Saul has struck down his thousands,
    and David his ten thousands.” – 1 Samuel 18:7 ESV

Much to Saul’s chagrin, David was getting top billing and receiving all the accolades. This state of affairs left Saul with a growing sense of suspicion and jealousy that bordered on paranoia. He began to believe that David was out to get him.

“…what more can he have but the kingdom?” –  1 Samuel 18:8 ESV

This part of David’s life is fascinating. So far, he has done everything right. He had proven to be a faithful son, caring for his family's flocks, even returning to care for them after having received the anointing of the prophet. He had obediently followed his father’s commands, taking food to his brothers on the front line. Then, when he had seen the Philistine champion and heard his taunts, he had been shocked that no one was stepping forward to deal with this pagan who was defying the God of Israel. So he offered his services to the king, placing his hope in God, and defeating Goliath with nothing more than a sling and a stone. But despite all this, David found himself under the suspicious and watchful eye of the king. He had made a new friend in Jonathan but was quickly developing a formidable enemy in Saul. And it is not yet clear whether David even knew the implications of his anointing by Samuel. Did David realize he had been divinely appointed to serve as Saul’s replacement? Had the prophet shared with him the details of God’s plan?

He most likely saw himself as just another servant of Saul, trying to do the right thing and serve the king in whatever way he could. Up to this point, David had been Saul’s armor bearer and harp player. He had done the king a huge favor by eliminating the threat of Goliath. And it seems that whatever David did, he did well.

David was faithful and he had the Spirit of God dwelling upon him. But all his success would prove his downfall. In God’s providential plan, David was right where he needed to be. His rapid rise to fame and prominence was not a surprise to God. And Saul’s hatred of David was not only expected, it was planned. It was all part of God’s divine strategy for preparing David to be king.

David had received the anointing to be king, but now he was going to get the practical training required for him to be the kind of king God intended for him to be. Whether David realized it or not, he was being placed in God’s boot camp for kingship. As a participant in Saul’s administration, David would have a front-row seat from which to witness an epic display of poor leadership. Saul would provide a master’s-level course in executive management gone bad.

But there were other valuable lessons that David was going to need to learn for him to rule righteously. His world was about to be rocked. As time went on and Saul’s jealousy and anger increased, David’s former days in the pasture tending sheep were going to look increasingly more appealing. But there was much that God had to teach David. He was a man after God’s own heart. In other words, he had a passion for the same things God did. But now God was going to begin the process of giving David a godly heart. His passion for the things of God was going to deepen. His love for the ways of God would become richer and fuller. His trust in the strength of God would grow. His reliance upon the care and provision of God would increase exponentially. And it would all begin with the growing hatred and animosity of King Saul. Things were about to heat up because God’s lessons for David were about to start up.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Looks Can’t Last, But Friendship Lasts

Maidens

9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    O most beautiful among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    that you thus adjure us?

She

10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
    distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
    his locks are wavy,
    black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
    beside streams of water,
bathed in milk,
    sitting beside a full pool.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
    mounds of sweet-smelling herbs.
His lips are lilies,
    dripping liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold,
    set with jewels.
His body is polished ivory,
    bedecked with sapphires.
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
    set on bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
    choice as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet,
    and he is altogether desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
    O daughters of Jerusalem. – Song of Solomon 5:9-16 ESV

Not to be outdone by her husband’s penchant for over-the-top rhetoric, the newly married and still love-struck bride attempts to one-up his earlier metaphor-laden description of her with an overly flattering and imagery-intense portrait of him. What follows is another exaggerated and somewhat exasperating display of blind love that makes for difficult reading. She appears to be answering a query from the same group of single women whom she asked for assistance locating her missing husband. They want to know why they should bother to help her when it looks like he has walked out on her.

“Why is your lover better than all others,
    O woman of rare beauty?
What makes your lover so special
    that we must promise this?” – Song of Solomon 5:9 NLT

It’s impossible to know whether this group of still-single maidens actually existed and bothered to ask these questions, but it provides the perfect excuse for the bride to wax eloquent about her husband’s superior physical attributes. Don’t overlook the fact that during her lengthy answer, she fails to say anything about his character; it’s all about his looks. He’s ruggedly handsome with a dark complexion and a full head of thick wavy black hair.  His eyes are mesmerizing and appear like two shimmering jewels floating in a milky white background. His gaze is captivating and it seems that she believes he only has eyes for her.

It may be that Solomon had a full beard which he regularly perfumed with exotic spices.

His cheeks are like gardens of spices
    giving off fragrance. – Song of Solomon 5:13 NLT

He looked and smelled great. Not only that, she found his lips to be enticing and his physique to be more than pleasing to her eyes. One gets the impression that she regularly lusted after her husband’s well-toned body. From his head to his toes, Solomon was a delight to her eyes and a source of passionate desire. She sums it all up by stating, “he is desirable in every way” (Song of Solomon 5:16 NLT). In other words, he was a keeper. Despite her recent dream and its unexpected depiction of his sudden disappearance, she was still greatly in love and desired to be with him.

But she caps off her description of Solomon with the following words, “This is my beloved and this is my friend…” (Song of Solomon 5:16 ESV). Yes, she was deeply in love with his body and infatuated with his physical appearance but, even more importantly, she viewed Solomon as her closest friend. And this admission of her friendship with Solomon speaks volumes about their relationship. She saw him as her dearest and most treasured companion; her partner who would accompany her through all the seasons of life. His physical appearance may change over the years. His hair could turn grey or simply turn loose. Over time, his well-toned body could grow flabby and frail. His eyes could grow dim with age and his strength could diminish with time. But their friendship would persist. Her infatuation would be buoyed by tender-hearted affection for her soulmate and friend.

While the following verse has been memorialized as a compliment of “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” it could just as easily be amended to speak on behalf of a wife in gratitude for her godly husband.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a [man] who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. – Proverbs 31:30 NLT

Solomon wouldn’t stay young forever. His body would not maintain its youthful vigor and energy. But despite the passing of time and the loss of his good looks, he could continue to be his wife’s best friend for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

When Well-intended Words Become a Weapon

1 Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered and said:

2 “If one ventures a word with you, will you be impatient?
    Yet who can keep from speaking?
3 Behold, you have instructed many,
    and you have strengthened the weak hands.
4 Your words have upheld him who was stumbling,
    and you have made firm the feeble knees.
5 But now it has come to you, and you are impatient;
    it touches you, and you are dismayed.
6 Is not your fear of God your confidence,
    and the integrity of your ways your hope?

7 “Remember: who that was innocent ever perished?
    Or where were the upright cut off?
8 As I have seen, those who plow iniquity
    and sow trouble reap the same.
9 By the breath of God they perish,
    and by the blast of his anger they are consumed.
10 The roar of the lion, the voice of the fierce lion,
    the teeth of the young lions are broken.
11 The strong lion perishes for lack of prey,
    and the cubs of the lioness are scattered.”

12 “Now a word was brought to me stealthily;
    my ear received the whisper of it.
13 Amid thoughts from visions of the night,
    when deep sleep falls on men,
14 dread came upon me, and trembling,
    which made all my bones shake.
15 A spirit glided past my face;
    the hair of my flesh stood up.
16 It stood still,
    but I could not discern its appearance.
A form was before my eyes;
    there was silence, then I heard a voice:
17 ‘Can mortal man be in the right before God?
    Can a man be pure before his Maker?
18 Even in his servants he puts no trust,
    and his angels he charges with error;
19 how much more those who dwell in houses of clay,
    whose foundation is in the dust,
    who are crushed like the moth.
20 Between morning and evening they are beaten to pieces;
    they perish forever without anyone regarding it.
21 Is not their tent-cord plucked up within them,
    do they not die, and that without wisdom?’” – Job 4:1-21 ESV

We all have them – well-meaning friends who step alongside us during times of difficulty and seasons of suffering spouting sanctimonious sermonettes on our condition. They're the Scripture police who tend to quote passages they don't fully understand and draw conclusions based on scant information and little or no experience. These people don't intend to hurt anyone, but in their zeal to "encourage," they do more harm than good.

Job's friend, Eliphaz, was one of these types of individuals. In the midst of all of Job's grief and suffering, he shows up on the scene lobbing all kinds of theological and psychological hand grenades into Job's pity party. He has taken one look at Job's circumstances and reached a conclusion: Job is guilty of something. He has to be.

But Eliphaz prefaces his verbal barrage on his suffering friend with what appears to be a kind and gracious request to share his thoughts. He and his companions have completed a seven-day-long wake, where they sat by Job’s side as he mourned the deaths of his ten children and the loss of his entire economic empire. They sat in silence as their devastated friend attempted to heal from his deep emotional wounds while suffering from a debilitating and painful skin disease.

In time, Eliphaz grew impatient and decided it was time to speak. He had seen enough and was ready to help his friend come to grips with the real source of Job’s problems. Knowing that Job is in no mood to hear what he has to say, Eliphaz begs his friend to show patience as he shares his enlightened insights. Then, in a somewhat heavy-handed attempt to gain Job’s ear, Eliphaz flatters his suffering friend by recalling how Job had so often played the role of comforting counselor in the lives of others.

“In the past you have encouraged many people;
    you have strengthened those who were weak.
Your words have supported those who were falling;
    you encouraged those with shaky knees.” – Job 4:3-4 NLT

In a sense, Eliphaz is saying, “I’m only doing what you would do if the shoe was on the other foot.” Eliphaz is trying to prepare Job for the “truth bomb” he is about to drop. In the lengthy speech he has prepared, Eliphaz is going to share some things that Job is not going to want to hear. Eliphaz knows his words are going to be painful and difficult to accept but they need to be said, and he challenges Job to accept them like a man. 

He levels an accusation of duplicity, suggesting that Job has always been quick to hand out advice to his suffering friends but now that he is the one doing the suffering, he crumples like a house of cards.

“But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart.
    You are terrified when it touches you.” – Job 4:5 NLT

These words seem to echo the sentiments found in the Book of Proverbs.

An open rebuke
    is better than hidden love!

Wounds from a sincere friend
    are better than many kisses from an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6 NLT

The heartfelt counsel of a friend
is as sweet as perfume and incense. – Proverbs 27:9 NLT

As iron sharpens iron,
    so a friend sharpens a friend. – Proverbs 27:17 NLT

But friendship isn’t necessarily a guarantee of wise counsel. Well-intentioned friends can end up giving poor advice and questionable counsel. A close and intimate relationship doesn’t automatically qualify someone to serve as an infallible source of wisdom. Eliphaz meant well, and much of what he had to say contained a semblance of truth, but there was a great deal about Job’s situation to which he was ignorant.

From his limited vantage point, Eliphaz had come to certain conclusions regarding Job’s circumstances. From the outside looking in, he assessed the scene and determined the cause of Job’s suffering, and he validated his conclusions by spiritualizing them. He claims to have had a vision in the night.

“This truth was given to me in secret,
    as though whispered in my ear.
It came to me in a disturbing vision at night,
    when people are in a deep sleep.
Fear gripped me,
    and my bones trembled.
A spirit swept past my face,
    and my hair stood on end.
The spirit stopped, but I couldn’t see its shape.
    There was a form before my eyes.
In the silence I heard a voice…” – Job 4:12-16 NLT

Eliphaz doesn’t attribute this vision to Yahweh. He never claims to have received a word from God Almighty. He simply saw “a form” that whispered a cryptic message in his ear.

“Can a mortal be innocent before God?
    Can anyone be pure before the Creator?” – Job 4:17 NLT

Eliphaz heard a voice but he could not name its source. He had a vision but he had no way of knowing who this “spirit” was or whether the message was God-ordained. From his ethereal night encounter, Eliphaz built an entire case against Job. He wrongly concluded that Job must be guilty of something. Otherwise, why would he be suffering so much loss and pain?

In the second half of his speech, he draws the following conclusion:

"…evil does not spring from the soil, and trouble does not sprout from the earth. People are born for trouble as predictably as sparks fly upward from a fire." – Job 5:6-7 NLT

Bad things don't just happen. They're the result of bad choices made by individuals. In other words, you reap what you sow. And Job must have sown some really wild oats at some point in his past. Eliphaz admits that Job was a pretty good guy. He had been an encouragement to a lot of people over the years. He had been a source of comfort and strength to others when they needed him. He had always been there with a kind word and a listening ear. But he must have done something to deserve this bizarre turn of affairs. These things don't just happen.

The problem with Eliphaz's speech is that it contains a modicum of truth. He has a lot of good things to say but he suffers from bad timing and a lousy understanding of reality. He speaks of things he doesn't know. He makes assumptions about things he doesn't understand. He is judging based on the circumstances, but can't see what God sees. He can't even see God working behind the scenes. And isn't that how we all approach the presence of trials and troubles in our lives?

We draw conclusions. We make assumptions. And we pass out words of wisdom like they were so much Valentine's candy. We mix a touch of biblical truth with a little bit of home-spun wisdom and then baste our friends with this toxic marinade of self-righteous piety. Eliphaz was dispensing truth like a doctor handing out prescriptions for a condition he had yet to diagnose; a process that will render perfectly safe drugs potentially deadly. We do that when we reach hasty conclusions about the spiritual condition of others based on circumstances alone. It reminds me of the story in the Gospel of John. Jesus is walking with His disciples and they encounter a man blind from birth. His disciples reveal a lot about their theology when they ask Jesus, "Teacher, why was this man born blind? Was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?" (John 9:2 NLT). To their surprise, Jesus responded, "It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins, he was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him" (John 9:3 NLT).

The truth is, we don't know what God is doing behind the scenes. We don't know why certain situations are as they are, and if we’re not careful, like Eliphaz we can hastily draw wrong conclusions and hand out poor advice. When Job needed comfort, he got unnecessary conviction. When he needed a listening ear, he got a lecture. Was a lot of what was said true? You bet. But it was misapplied and mistakenly meted out. In his commentary on the book of Job, John Gill says this about Eliphaz's little speech:

"and he ‘said’ not anything by way of condolence or consolation, not pitying Job's case, nor comforting him in his afflicted circumstances, as they required both; but reproaching him as a wicked and hypocritical man, not acting like himself formerly, or according to his profession and principles, but just the reverse: this was a new trial to Job, and some think the sorest of all; it was as a sword in his bones, which was very cutting to him; as oil cast into a fiery furnace in which he now was, which increased the force and fury of it; and as to vinegar an opened and bleeding wound, which makes it smart the more." – John Gill, Exposition on the Entire Bible, the Book of Job

A big part of ministering to others is learning to listen well. Sometimes the greatest form of comfort is silence. But if you're going to say anything at all, maybe we could take notes from the words of Isaiah.

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you. – Isaiah 35:4-5 NIV

Strengthen, steady, encourage, and point them to God. Lift them up, don't tear them down.

Timely advice is lovely,
    like golden apples in a silver basket.

To one who listens, valid criticism
    is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry.

Trustworthy messengers refresh like snow in summer.
    They revive the spirit of their employer. – Proverbs 25:11-13 NLT

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Cultivating True Community

1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
    for you do not know what a day may bring.
2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
    a stranger, and not your own lips.
3 A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty,
    but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.
4 Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming,
    but who can stand before jealousy?
5 Better is open rebuke
    than hidden love.
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
    profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
7 One who is full loathes honey,
    but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.
8 Like a bird that strays from its nest
    is a man who strays from his home.
9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
    and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
10 Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend,
    and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
    than a brother who is far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad,
    that I may answer him who reproaches me.
12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself,
    but the simple go on and suffer for it.
13 Take a man’s garment when he has put up security for a stranger,
    and hold it in pledge when he puts up security for an adulteress. – Proverbs 27:1-13 ESV

Let's face it. Relationships are messy. Living with others can be difficult at times. But there is a huge advantage to living in true biblical community. And the Proverbs have a lot to say about the impact of wisdom and foolishness on our relationships. While we can attempt to isolate ourselves from interaction with others, no one lives in a vacuum. And, whether we like it or not, we will eventually end up dealing with people from all walks of life and from every conceivable background. Even a few fools will cross our path as we navigate our way through life. 

But this chapter continues to differentiate between the wise and the foolish, describing how each displays certain characteristics – some to be emulated and others to be avoided.

When it comes to relationships, a fool is self-centered, myopic, and tends to only think about himself. He lives his life with a certain level of insensitivity and never thinks about how his words and actions will impact those around him. In fact, he doesn't even care. Because of their self-focused manner of life, fools tend to think too highly of themselves and have a distorted view of reality. That’s why the wise person should heed the following advice.

Don’t brag about tomorrow,
    since you don’t know what the day will bring

Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth—
    a stranger, not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:1-2 NLT

Instead, a man or woman of wisdom should readily accept their responsibility to care about and for those around them, and they should live accordingly.

Fools tend to leave a wake of disrupted relationships in their path. They are relationship wreckers who allow resentment, anger, and jealousy to wreak havoc on all those around them.

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty,
    but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier.

Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood,
    but jealousy is even more dangerous. – Proverbs 27:3-4 NLT

Those who care about community understand that words are powerful. They know that there will be times when words of encouragement are needed, but also times when a word of warning or rebuke is necessary. In a healthy relationship, to withhold a much-deserved rebuke is as wrong as refusing to express our love verbally. 

An open rebuke
    is better than hidden love! – Proverbs 27:5 NLT).

While correction and criticism are never easy to receive, a true friend will care enough about us to tell us the hard truth.

Wounds from a sincere friend
    are better than many kisses from an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6 NLT)

Fools make a habit of telling others what they want to hear. They use flattery to win others over but never truly mean what they say. And while a fool will butter someone up by telling them how wonderful they are, they will overlook the faults that are preventing that person from being who God wants them to be. False flattery is deadly. It puffs us up and gives us a false sense of confidence and feeds our self-righteousness. But a true friend will tell us the truth, even if it hurts.

As iron sharpens iron,
    so a friend sharpens a friend. – Proverbs 27:17 NLT

Friendships should involve some friction but it should be productive and not destructive. As we rub up against one another in our relationships there should be a certain give-and-take that allows us to push, prod, and pull each other towards increased righteousness.

But if we are honest, we have to admit that many of our relationships are shallow and dishonest. We refuse to speak the truth into one another’s lives. We openly tolerate godlessness and flatter one another with words of kindness when what we really need is a swift kick in the pants and a dose of reality.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend
    is as sweet as perfume and incense. – Proverbs 27:9 NLT

Yet, many of us are afraid to play hardball in our relationships because we fear what others may say about how we live our lives. We're afraid that if we critique someone else's life, it will leave the door open for them to return the favor. And, most likely, they will. But we should welcome it.

The truth is, most of us have no idea what we're really like. We can't see our faults and weaknesses. Our foolish friends will leave us thinking we don't have any. But a true friend will point them out in a loving, caring way, and help us take steps to correct them. They are able to see the true condition of our hearts, something we can't do on our own. "

As a face is reflected in water,
    so the heart reflects the real person. – Proverbs 27:19 NLT

We need one another. We need real relationships that produce real-life change. True biblical community is messy. It involves transparency, accountability, honesty, humility, patience and love. It takes work, but it is worth it. Cultivating true community has long-term, real-life benefits.

Never abandon a friend—
    either yours or your father’s.
When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance.
    It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away. – Proverbs 27:10 NLT

You never know when you will need the help or counsel of a true friend. Life is full of all kinds of surprises and, in times of difficulty, you want to be surrounded by those who can step in and help. But you’ll want to make sure you’ve surrounded yourself with wise friends and not fools.

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.
    The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. – Proverbs 27:12 NLT

Prepare for the inevitable setbacks in life and maintain ongoing relationships with people who can provide wise counsel when you need it. In times of difficulty, a few friends with wisdom are of far greater value than a host of fools who lack sense. Life is too short and relationships are too important to waste your time cultivating friendships with fools. 

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

New English Translation (NET)NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2017 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.

The Power of Friendship.

These are the names of the mighty men whom David had: Josheb-basshebeth a Tahchemonite; he was chief of the three. He wielded his spear against eight hundred whom he killed at one time.

And next to him among the three mighty men was Eleazar the son of Dodo, son of Ahohi. He was with David when they defied the Philistines who were gathered there for battle, and the men of Israel withdrew. He rose and struck down the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clung to the sword. And the Lord brought about a great victory that day, and the men returned after him only to strip the slain.

And next to him was Shammah, the son of Agee the Hararite. The Philistines gathered together at Lehi, where there was a plot of ground full of lentils, and the men fled from the Philistines. But he took his stand in the midst of the plot and defended it and struck down the Philistines, and the Lord worked a great victory.

And three of the thirty chief men went down and came about harvest time to David at the cave of Adullam, when a band of Philistines was encamped in the Valley of Rephaim. David was then in the stronghold, and the garrison of the Philistines was then at Bethlehem. And David said longingly, “Oh, that someone would give me water to drink from the well of Bethlehem that is by the gate!” Then the three mighty men broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem that was by the gate and carried and brought it to David. But he would not drink of it. He poured it out to the Lord and said, “Far be it from me, O Lord, that I should do this. Shall I drink the blood of the men who went at the risk of their lives?” Therefore he would not drink it. These things the three mighty men did.

Now Abishai, the brother of Joab, the son of Zeruiah, was chief of the thirty. And he wielded his spear against three hundred men and killed them and won a name beside the three. He was the most renowned of the thirty and became their commander, but he did not attain to the three.

And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was a valiant man of Kabzeel, a doer of great deeds. He struck down two ariels of Moab. He also went down and struck down a lion in a pit on a day when snow had fallen. And he struck down an Egyptian, a handsome man. The Egyptian had a spear in his hand, but Benaiah went down to him with a staff and snatched the spear out of the Egyptian's hand and killed him with his own spear. These things did Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and won a name beside the three mighty men. He was renowned among the thirty, but he did not attain to the three. And David set him over his bodyguard. – 2 Samuel 23:8-23 ESV

When reading the life of David, it is easy to picture him as this lonely, isolated figure who was always having to do everything by himself. The early years of his life, after his anointing by Samuel, were spent in seeming isolation, running and hiding from Saul. He had to leave behind his wife, Michal, his best friend Jonathan, and his spiritual mentor, Samuel. Even during his reign, David appears to have suffered the curse of loneliness that comes with leadership. He was the sole individual responsible for the care of his kingdom and the well-being of his people. God had anointed him king and given him the task of shepherding the people of Israel. But we see in this chapter, that God had also given David companions and compatriots to walk beside him and assist him all along the way. Here in chapter three, we are introduced to thirty of them, a group of individuals referred to as David’s mighty men. David was not alone. Not only was God with him, he had the benefit of being surrounded by those who loved him and would give their lives in support of him.

It has always been my strong belief that the mighty men listed in 2 Samuel 23 are the very same men who showed up at the cave of Adullam, when David had been forced to flee for his life from the wrath of King Saul. We are told about these individuals in 1 Samuel 22.

David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. Soon his brothers and all his other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming—men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented—until David was the captain of about 400 men. – 1 Samuel 22:1-2 NLT

Notice how it describes these men. They were in trouble, in debt and discontented. And there were nearly 400 of them who they showed up at David’s doorstep. Not exactly what most of us would consider a great core group with which to form an army. But that’s what David had to work with. And yet, over time, some of these men would become the mighty men of David. How? What was it that transformed them from troublemakers, debtors and malcontents? It was God. But it was also the trials and tribulations they were forced to endure as they walked alongside David all those years. They had lived in the caves beside David. They had fought the enemies of Israel alongside David. They had endured hardships and the loneliness of living on the run with David. And when David had finally become the king of Israel just as God had promised he would be, these same men were by David’s side to serve alongside him. And they were there when David was forced to evacuate Jerusalem when his son, Absalom, turned the people of Israel against him and took his throne.

But these men stood beside David. The performed mighty deeds on behalf of David. But over and over again, we see that their strength came from God. Sprinkled throughout this chronicle of their mighty deeds, we are given clear indications that their accomplishments were due to God.

And the Lord brought about a great victory that day… – 2 Samuel 23:10 ESV

…and the Lord worked a great victory. – 2 Samuel 23:12 ESV

The list of their exploits is impressive. Their accomplishments are not to be ignored. But we have to ask ourselves, why are they here? What was the author’s purpose for placing this list of mighty men and their mighty deeds at the very end of his letter? If you recall, these closing chapters of 2 Samuel form a kind of appendix to the book. They are a wrap-up to all of David’s life. The content of these chapters are not in chronological order. They are a glimpse back into David’s long life, providing us with insights into some important details regarding his life. This list of mighty men lets us know that David had help all along the way. He was never alone. God had given him companions – faithful men who would serve him with distinction, displaying the characteristics of bravery, self-sacrifice, dedication and unwavering loyalty. Rather than being impressed with their deeds, we should be blown away by their faithfulness to David. Virtually every one of their accomplishments were done on behalf of David, not for their own glory. Of the 30 men mentioned, only a handful have the distinction of having their names listed. There are Josheb-basshebeth, Eleazar, and Shammah, the three men who seemed to serve as commanders over the 30. It would seem that it was these three who risked their lives in order to fulfill David’s wish to drink water from the well at Bethlehem, his home town. And when they had risked life and limb to bring David water from that well, he poured it out as a sacrifice to God, unwilling to enjoy the refreshment it would have brought, because they had risked their lives for him.

The text says that Josheb-Basshebeth killed 800 men with his spear in one battle. Eleazar “struck down the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clung to the sword” (2 Samuel 23:10 ESV). Shammah “took his stand in the midst of the plot and defended it and struck down the Philistines” (2 Samuel 23:12 ESV). Impressive? No doubt about it. But it was God who gave these men their victories. They served David, but in the end, they were instruments of God. He is the one who had placed them in David’s life and equipped them for service to the king. Great leaders will always find themselves surrounded by great men and women who come alongside them and serve them selflessly and faithfully. The exploits of these men are not listed so that we might be impressed, but so that we might be reminded that God is always at work in and around our lives, using others to accomplish His will for our lives. David had his mighty men. But we each have our faithful friends. Those individuals who will stand beside us and fight alongside us during the difficult days of our lives. How will we know who they are? They will show up in the darkest moments of our lives. They will be the ones who cry with us, rejoice with us, rescue us, pray for us, and refuse to abandon us, even when things get tough.

But before you start trying to determine who the mighty men or women in your life are, why not spend time asking whether you are performing the very same role in someone else’s life. Are you a faithful, dedicated, loyal friend whom God is using in the life of another? Are you present when tragedy strikes someone else’s life? Are you willing to risk life and limb for the sake of another? Will you wield the spiritual sword on behalf of someone else, until your strength is gone? What we all need are more mighty men and women, willing to give their all on behalf of someone other than themselves.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

The Intimacy of Honesty.

Proverbs 24

"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” – Proverbs 24:26 NIV

Honesty is in short supply these days. We live in a world mired in half-truths and deception. Oh, we have plenty of people who claim to "tell it like it is." But this is usually just another way of saying that they have an opinion and aren't afraid to share it – no matter how many people they hurt along the way. Honesty in the Hebrew scriptures is about much more than bluntness or frankness of speech. It's not just speaking your mind or getting something off your chest. It has to do with saying the right or equitable thing. There is an aspect of appropriateness and timeliness to honesty. It entails a certain degree of sensitivity and intimacy. Thus, the comparison in the passage to a kiss on the lips. In Solomon's day, a kiss on the lips carried a lot of meaning. It was not something done lightly or flippantly. It signified love, devotion, sincerity, and commitment. It was a visible expression of what was in the heart. To kiss someone insincerely would have been unacceptable. To kiss someone on the lips would have given them the impression that you cared for them and that your relationship with them was close. But to do so insincerely, but without meaning it, would have been as unacceptable as lying to them.

When we are honest with someone, it is an expression of love. It shows that we care for them. But it is NOT just a willingness to be blunt with them, telling them whatever is on our heart without any regard for their feelings. Honesty involves intimacy. Honesty requires love. We lovingly express what is on our heart because we care and desire the best for them. We think about how best to say what is on our heart, so that those with whom we sharing will receive it well. Our motivation is love. Our desire is that they will benefit from our honesty, not be devastated by it. Sometimes we can attempt to be honest, but our motivation is to hurt, not help. We can say what is on our mind, simply out of anger or in an attempt to teach the other person a lesson. But the honesty Solomon is talking about is always for the good of the other. It has the other person's best interest at heart, because it comes from the heart. It is honesty that aims at building the other person up, not tearing them down. It is honesty that is selfless, not selfish. We share what we share because we wish to make the other person better, not because we're out to prove a point or voice our opinion. An honest answer is a loving answer. It is saying what needs to be said because you care for someone deeply.

Father, give us the capacity to be honest with one another because we truly care for one another. Teach us to share intimately and honestly out of love. Reveal to us any selfishness or self-centeredness that may be getting in the way. Help us to see when we our attempts at honesty are nothing more than poorly veiled efforts to hurt the other person. May our honesty always be motivated by love and focused on the well-being of the other person. Amen.

A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed.

Proverbs 17

“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” – Proverbs 17:17 NLT

My first reaction when reading the verse above is to say, "Really?" I can't help but be a bit doubtful about the veracity of this statement based on my own experience with my own friends. I haven't always found my friends to be loyal or my brothers to be there when I needed them. So what's the problem? What am I missing here? I think Solomon is talking about "true" friendship and brotherhood. In other words, he is describing these relationships as God designed them to be. Both were His idea, not ours. He came up with the concept of a friend and He established the parameters under which that relationships should function – in an ideal world – a world free from sin. In that kind of world a friend WOULD always be loyal and a brother WOULD always be there in time of need. Of course, in a world free from sin, there wouldn't be any need. But the point is that God has a high view of both friendship and brotherhood. He has not lowered His expectations due to the fall. He still expects us to be the kind of friends who remain loyal, through thick and thin. He still expects us to be the kind of brother who shows up when needed, regardless of the time or the inconvenience.

Paul describes the kind of love this requires. "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT). Solomon tells us, "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends" (Proverbs 17:9 NLT). Love seems to be the key. The kind of love that Paul describes all throughout chapter 13 of the book of 1st Corinthians. It is agape love, that sacrificial, lay-it-all-on-the-line kind of love that Jesus modeled for us. It is the kind of love that expects nothing in return, that doesn't demand reciprocal demonstrations of love. A true friend is loyal even in the face of disloyalty. A true brother continues to help even when he finds himself alone in his own time of need. The motivation is love, not payback. The model is Christ. He loved us when we refused to love Him back. He continues to be the consummate example of a friend, remaining loyal to us even when we are painfully disloyal to Him. He is the ideal example of a brother, remaining faithful to us in our times of need, regardless of our faithfulness to Him.

We live in difficult times, surrounded by adversity and constantly finding ourselves in need. God has designed friendship and brotherhood as means to provide help, hope, comfort and encouragement. He has placed us in the family of God and made us brothers and sisters in order that we might exhibit His love to one another through tangible acts of kindness, care, and encouragement. Our ability to be loyal and our capacity to meet needs is from God. He has equipped us and expects us to be true friends and brothers. Our greatest witness of the presence and power of God is to do just that.

Father, show me how to be a true friend and the kind of brother who is there in time of need. Continue to remove my tendency toward selfishness and self-centeredness. Forgive me of the what's-in-it-for-me mentality that pervades my thinking. Let me see Your Son as the model and follow His lead. May I listen to Your Spirit more and less to my flesh. Amen.

The Fake Vs. The Faithful Friend.

Proverbs 19

“Loyalty makes a person attractive. It is better to be poor than dishonest.” – Proverbs 19:22 NLT

Nobody likes fakes friends. You know the kind. They smile and act as if they're your best friend, but when your back is turned, they turn on you. They desert you. They prove to be disingenuous to you. But the very next time you see them, they act as if nothing has happened and all is well. They're fake and can be highly frustrating. Sometimes people can pretend to like us for what we own, less than for who we are. They like our "toys" and so they will tolerate us in order to have access to them. Solomon warns us about this kind of "friend." He says, "wealth makes many 'friends'; poverty drives them all away" (Proverbs 19:4 NLT). In other words, these are fair-weather friends who like us as long as we have something they want. Once that something goes away, so do they. Their friendship was just a facade to facilitate their own selfish desires. Sometimes what others want from us is our influence. They see us as a person of importance and so they come alongside us, offering to be our friend just so that they might have access to our circle of influence. Solomon warns us about these kinds of friends as well: "Many seek favors from a ruler; everyone is the friend of a person who gives gifts" (Proverbs 19:6 NLT). A powerful person can mistakenly believe that everyone beating a path to his door is truly interested in being his friend, when what they really want is not a relationship, but a favor. Everyone loves a generous person. Everyone is willing to put up with even the most obnoxious person as long as he gives them gifts. But these people are not true friends.

All of this reveals the sin that lurks in the heart of everyone of us. We can easily turn friendship into a self-centered pursuit that is all about us with little regard for the other person in the relationship. Think about how many friendships dissolve because the other person failed to meet our expectations, let us down, or were easily replaced by someone more popular, attractive, or beneficial to us in some way. Yet that is not the kind of friendship we are called to by God. Loyalty is important to Him. He doesn't want us to use one another and selfishly manipulate our relationships just to get the most out of them. Loyalty and love go hand in hand. Loyalty is an expression of love. Loyalty is what makes a person truly attractive as a friend (Proverbs 19:22). The faithful, unfailing friend is the one we will look for in the end. When all the fake friends have long deserted us, a faithful friend will still be there, waiting to reestablish the relationship we once had with them. Fake friends are fickle friends. Faithful friends are steadfast and true. What kind of a friend are you? Do you choose your friends based on what you are going to get out of the relationship? Is your motivation self-serving or selfless? Can you count the number of poor friends you have on one hand?

Solomon reminds us, "There are 'friends' who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24 NLT). Again, what kind of a friend are you?

Father, make me a faithful, not a fake, friend. I want to be honest, not disingenuous. I want to be real in my relationships. Forgive me for using people for my own selfish interests. Give me a heart like You have. Help me to give my life away, expecting nothing in return. Don't let me measure my friendships based on what I can get out of them, but instead, by what I can give. Amen.