Cultivating True Community

1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
    for you do not know what a day may bring.
2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
    a stranger, and not your own lips.
3 A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty,
    but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.
4 Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming,
    but who can stand before jealousy?
5 Better is open rebuke
    than hidden love.
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
    profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
7 One who is full loathes honey,
    but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.
8 Like a bird that strays from its nest
    is a man who strays from his home.
9 Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
    and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
10 Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend,
    and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
    than a brother who is far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad,
    that I may answer him who reproaches me.
12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself,
    but the simple go on and suffer for it.
13 Take a man’s garment when he has put up security for a stranger,
    and hold it in pledge when he puts up security for an adulteress. – Proverbs 27:1-13 ESV

Let's face it. Relationships are messy. Living with others can be difficult at times. But there is a huge advantage to living in true biblical community. And the Proverbs have a lot to say about the impact of wisdom and foolishness on our relationships. While we can attempt to isolate ourselves from interaction with others, no one lives in a vacuum. And, whether we like it or not, we will eventually end up dealing with people from all walks of life and from every conceivable background. Even a few fools will cross our path as we navigate our way through life. 

But this chapter continues to differentiate between the wise and the foolish, describing how each displays certain characteristics – some to be emulated and others to be avoided.

When it comes to relationships, a fool is self-centered, myopic, and tends to only think about himself. He lives his life with a certain level of insensitivity and never thinks about how his words and actions will impact those around him. In fact, he doesn't even care. Because of their self-focused manner of life, fools tend to think too highly of themselves and have a distorted view of reality. That’s why the wise person should heed the following advice.

Don’t brag about tomorrow,
    since you don’t know what the day will bring

Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth—
    a stranger, not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:1-2 NLT

Instead, a man or woman of wisdom should readily accept their responsibility to care about and for those around them, and they should live accordingly.

Fools tend to leave a wake of disrupted relationships in their path. They are relationship wreckers who allow resentment, anger, and jealousy to wreak havoc on all those around them.

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty,
    but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier.

Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood,
    but jealousy is even more dangerous. – Proverbs 27:3-4 NLT

Those who care about community understand that words are powerful. They know that there will be times when words of encouragement are needed, but also times when a word of warning or rebuke is necessary. In a healthy relationship, to withhold a much-deserved rebuke is as wrong as refusing to express our love verbally. 

An open rebuke
    is better than hidden love! – Proverbs 27:5 NLT).

While correction and criticism are never easy to receive, a true friend will care enough about us to tell us the hard truth.

Wounds from a sincere friend
    are better than many kisses from an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6 NLT)

Fools make a habit of telling others what they want to hear. They use flattery to win others over but never truly mean what they say. And while a fool will butter someone up by telling them how wonderful they are, they will overlook the faults that are preventing that person from being who God wants them to be. False flattery is deadly. It puffs us up and gives us a false sense of confidence and feeds our self-righteousness. But a true friend will tell us the truth, even if it hurts.

As iron sharpens iron,
    so a friend sharpens a friend. – Proverbs 27:17 NLT

Friendships should involve some friction but it should be productive and not destructive. As we rub up against one another in our relationships there should be a certain give-and-take that allows us to push, prod, and pull each other towards increased righteousness.

But if we are honest, we have to admit that many of our relationships are shallow and dishonest. We refuse to speak the truth into one another’s lives. We openly tolerate godlessness and flatter one another with words of kindness when what we really need is a swift kick in the pants and a dose of reality.

The heartfelt counsel of a friend
    is as sweet as perfume and incense. – Proverbs 27:9 NLT

Yet, many of us are afraid to play hardball in our relationships because we fear what others may say about how we live our lives. We're afraid that if we critique someone else's life, it will leave the door open for them to return the favor. And, most likely, they will. But we should welcome it.

The truth is, most of us have no idea what we're really like. We can't see our faults and weaknesses. Our foolish friends will leave us thinking we don't have any. But a true friend will point them out in a loving, caring way, and help us take steps to correct them. They are able to see the true condition of our hearts, something we can't do on our own. "

As a face is reflected in water,
    so the heart reflects the real person. – Proverbs 27:19 NLT

We need one another. We need real relationships that produce real-life change. True biblical community is messy. It involves transparency, accountability, honesty, humility, patience and love. It takes work, but it is worth it. Cultivating true community has long-term, real-life benefits.

Never abandon a friend—
    either yours or your father’s.
When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance.
    It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away. – Proverbs 27:10 NLT

You never know when you will need the help or counsel of a true friend. Life is full of all kinds of surprises and, in times of difficulty, you want to be surrounded by those who can step in and help. But you’ll want to make sure you’ve surrounded yourself with wise friends and not fools.

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.
    The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. – Proverbs 27:12 NLT

Prepare for the inevitable setbacks in life and maintain ongoing relationships with people who can provide wise counsel when you need it. In times of difficulty, a few friends with wisdom are of far greater value than a host of fools who lack sense. Life is too short and relationships are too important to waste your time cultivating friendships with fools. 

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

New English Translation (NET)NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2017 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.

Light In the Darkness.

Now Absalom and all the people, the men of Israel, came to Jerusalem, and Ahithophel with him. And when Hushai the Archite, David’s friend, came to Absalom, Hushai said to Absalom, “Long live the king! Long live the king!” And Absalom said to Hushai, “Is this your loyalty to your friend? Why did you not go with your friend?” And Hushai said to Absalom, “No, for whom the Lord and this people and all the men of Israel have chosen, his I will be, and with him I will remain. And again, whom should I serve? Should it not be his son? As I have served your father, so I will serve you.”

Then Absalom said to Ahithophel, “Give your counsel. What shall we do?” Ahithophel said to Absalom, “Go in to your father’s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house, and all Israel will hear that you have made yourself a stench to your father, and the hands of all who are with you will be strengthened.” So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof. And Absalom went in to his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel. Now in those days the counsel that Ahithophel gave was as if one consulted the word of God; so was all the counsel of Ahithophel esteemed, both by David and by Absalom. – 2 Samuel 16:15-23 ESV

Absalom entered Jerusalem. His carefully and patiently planned coup had come off without a hitch. Without lifting a sword or shedding a drop of blood, Absalom had stolen his father’s throne and elevated himself to the highest position in the land. And yet, from God’s perspective, nothing had changed. David was still the anointed king of Israel. God had not chosen Absalom to replace David. But God was using Absalom to fulfill the words He had spoken against David for his sins of adultery and murder. The prophet, Nathan, had given David the bad news:

“This is what the Lord says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view. You did it secretly, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel.” – 2 Samuel 12:11-12 NLT

And in keeping with His word, God saw to it that this was exactly what happened. Based on the counsel of Ahithophel, Absalom took the ten concubines who had been left behind by David to maintain the palace, and had sexual relations with them. This was intended to be an insult to David, showing that Absalom had not only taken David’s kingdom and palace, but everything that had once belonged to him. And this final slap in the face to David was done in public view so everyone would know exactly what was happening. A tent was erected on the roof of David’s former palace and the news was of what Absalom was doing was spread throughout the city. But it is essential that we recognize this all part of God’s will. He had warned David this very thing would happen. From that very same roof top, David had spied Bathsheba bathing and lusted after her. He had sent for her and slept with her. Then to cover his sin and the unexpected news that she was pregnant, he would have her husband executed. David’s sin had been done in secret. But God’s discipline of David would be for all to see.

Like so many other times in the Scriptures, God was using an enemy to teach His child a lesson. God was using an unexpected source as a means of discipline in the life of one of his children. And it would seem that the counsel Ahithophel provided to Absalom came directly from God Himself. God was using this former counselor of David, who had treacherously aided Absalom in his overthrow of the kingdom, to accomplish His divine will concerning David’s punishment. This was all part of God’s plan. At no point was God out of control or up in heaven shaking His head in surprise at all that was taking place. God was using these events to accomplish His will and He had more in store for Absalom than his surprising ascension to the throne. While, from a human perspective, all looked lost, God was in complete control of every single aspect of this entire affair. As demoralizing and humiliating as all of this was to David, God was at work. He was simply fulfilling what He had promised and accomplishing all that He had planned. What appeared to be an unmitigated disaster was actually part of God’s sovereign will.

There is an invaluable lesson in this chapter for each of us who claim to be children of God. When we encounter difficulties and trials in our lives, it is so easy for us to automatically assume that God is somehow out of control. We have somehow convinced ourselves that the presence of difficulties in our lives is a proof of the absence of God. When we see our enemies celebrating their victories over us, we jump to the conclusion that God doesn’t care. It would have been easy for David to assume that God was now with Absalom. After all, he had won the hearts of the people. And David could think of plenty of reasons why God would want to replace him as king. But David didn’t have access to the mind of God. He had no idea what God was doing behind the scenes. And one of the hardest things for the child of God to do is to trust God, regardless of what we see happening around us. From a human perspective, it all appeared as if Absalom’s plans had succeeded. But the Scriptures would have us remember that God’s plans trump those of men each and every time.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. – Proverbs 16:9 NLT

You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail. – Proverbs 19:21 NLT

The LORD of Heaven's Armies has spoken – who can change his plans? When his hand is raised, who can stop him? – Isaiah 14:27 NLT

Absalom believed his plan had succeeded. And it had. But only because God had a greater plan in store for all involved. While Absalom gloated over his victory from the throne in Jerusalem and David mourned over his fate somewhere along the banks of the Jordan, God was working His plan. He was orchestrating affairs in such a way that both men would be in for a surprise as to how this whole affair turned out. God had chosen David to be king, and nothing Absalom did was going to change that fact. He could take over David’s throne temporarily, but not permanently, and only because God had allowed it. David found himself defeated, dethroned, and demoralized, but God was not done yet. He was still God’s choice to be king. His son, Solomon, would be God’s handpicked successor, not Absalom. And while things looked bleak, God was in full control.

When our circumstances create uncertainty and leave us in a state of doubt and confusion, we are to look to God. He is always on His throne. His power is constant. His will is unavoidable. His plans are unstoppable. His love for us is inescapable. It was during this difficult time in David’s life that he penned the words of Psalm 3. They reflect his trust in God’s unfailing love for him – even in the darkest moments of life.

O Lord, I have so many enemies;
    so many are against me.
So many are saying,
    “God will never rescue him!” Interlude

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
    you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.
I cried out to the Lord,
    and he answered me from his holy mountain. Interlude

I lay down and slept,
    yet I woke up in safety,
    for the Lord was watching over me.
I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies
    who surround me on every side.

Arise, O Lord!
    Rescue me, my God!
Slap all my enemies in the face!
    Shatter the teeth of the wicked!
Victory comes from you, O Lord.
    May you bless your people. – Psalm 3

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Learning to Lean.

2 Corinthians 1:1-11

We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. – 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NLT

Going through difficulties is, well, difficult at times. No one enjoys trials and troubles, in spite of James' admonition to "consider it all joy…when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2 NLT). Trials can be trying. Difficulties are difficult. Suffering can be insufferably hard. Unless we share Paul's perspective on the subject. And there are few people who understood suffering as well as he did. In this follow-up letter to the Corinthian believers, Paul provided them with a primer on how to handle suffering, and he spoke from first-hand experience. He wrote of the trouble he had encountered somewhere in Asia during one of his missionary journeys. He didn't provide any details, but simply said that it was a life-threatening experience. He and his traveling companions fully expected to die. So whatever it was, it was bad. Paul wrote that they were "crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure" (2 Corinthians 1:8b NLT). And yet, the result of this overwhelmingly difficult circumstance was positive. Paul learned to give up and look up. His strength and self-confidence at an all-time low, Paul understood just how much he needed God to see him through the trial. He learned to rely on God, instead of himself. One of the fascinating things about trials is that they can reveal to us just how lousy we are at being god. Through trials, we discover our weaknesses, fears, ignorance, inadequacies, and vulnerabilities. We are no match for life. And yet, small personal victories over trials and troubles along the way can lull us into a false sense of confidence and cockiness. We can begin to believe that we are our own savior. We can deliver ourselves from any and every difficulty – with a little ingenuity, creativity and determination.

But Paul knew better. He had encountered a trial that was beyond his personal capacity to endure. And it drove him to his knees and into the arms of God. "We placed our confidence in him," Paul wrote. And guess what? "And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again" (2 Corinthians 1:10a NLT). Paul gave up, looked up, and God showed up. He delivered. He rescued. And Paul learned an invaluable lesson: That God who rescued once, will do it again. He learned to trust God, because God is trustworthy. And that wasn't just some academic understanding, gleaned from a book sermon, or seminar. Paul had learned it first-hand and up close and personal. Paul's God wasn't some ethereal, disembodied deity who lived in some invisible realm and watched over His subjects with disinterest and disdain. He was transcendent, but He was also eminent. God was involved in the lives of His people. He got His hands dirty. He saw what was going on. He heard the prayers of His people. And He did something about it. And Paul had learned to rely on God. He had learned to place his confidence in God.

But there was one other thing Paul had learned and attempted to pass on to the Corinthians. Paul had experienced the comfort of God in the midst of trials. God doesn't always deliver. At least not on our terms or according to our time table. A big part of trusting God is being willing to let Him do what He knows to be best for us, regardless of whether we particularly like it or not. It's interesting that Paul had to endure difficulties that practically crushed and overwhelmed him. From his perspective, his difficulties were bad enough to make him believe he was going to die. And yet, God was in the midst of it all. And while it was going on, God was not distant or disinterested. He was providing comfort. The Greek word Paul uses for comfort is parakaleo, and it means to "come alongside, to console, to encourage and strengthen." God had been there. He had provided them with encouragement, exhortation and comfort – even in the midst of all the difficulties. Sometimes we fail to see God in the middle of our messes. He is there, speaking to us, encouraging us, teaching us – but we are so busy staring at our difficulty or scheming how to get out of it, that we fail to see or hear God.

And Paul had learned one more valuable lesson about trials. Not only does God comfort us in the midst of our trials, He expects us to pass on that comfort to others. One of the most beneficial things about enduring the difficulties of life is that we get the opportunity to come alongside others in their times of trouble, comforting them just as God did us. We can share our intimate knowledge of God's love, compassion and mercy. We can encourage them to trust in the midst of trials, because we have learned to rely on God. We have seen Him prove Himself faithful in our own lives. So we can speak from experience and "come alongside" those in need and encourage them to wait on the Lord. We can become a source of comfort to them. God never wastes our suffering. He uses it to reveal our weaknesses, expose our pride, dismantle our self-reliance, and increase our faith. He shows up when things are looking down. He comes alongside right when we think He is nowhere to be found. He provides comfort and strength to endure. And He rescues right when He knows it's time. All so we will learn to place our confidence in Him.

Father, the trials of life are real and regular. They come without warning and, sometimes, in waves. And the tendency is to miss You in the midst of them. Open my eyes so that I can see You in my trials. Help me to hear Your words of comfort and encouragement. Patiently pry my hands off the rudder of my life, so that I will allow You to direct my path and set my course. Forgive me for my self-reliance and stubborn self-sufficiency. I want to rely on You more and me less. I want to experience Your comfort and pass it along to all those You bring into my life who need it. I want to place my confidence in You – at all times and in every circumstance. Amen.

Where To Run.

Proverbs 18

“The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe.” – Proverbs 18:10 NLT

Think about it. Where do you run when things get tough? Who do you turn to when facing difficult circumstances? In what or who do you put your trust or place your hope? Solomon says that the godly run to the Lord and are kept safe. But if we're honest, most of us have a long list of other options we consider before we go to God. We have our money, friends, family members, the government, and our own resourcefulness to bail us out in time of need. But again, Solomon reminds us that "the name of the Lord is a strong fortress" (Proverbs 18:10 NLT). Isn't it interesting that he refers to the name of the Lord. That is a common expression in the Old Testament and it speaks of God's reputation or fame. It refers to those things He has done that have established who He is. It is another way of expressing His character. God has made a name for Himself. He has a solid reputation. He is known by His actions. And in this context, God has proven Himself to be a safe place to turn to for protection. He is faithful, powerful, gracious, consistent, and never fails in providing the protection we need and seek.

God's reputation is impeccable and totally reliable. So the godly "run to him." They don't casually walk or stroll to God, they run. There is a sense of urgency and immediacy to this statement. There is no hesitation. He isn't a second or third option or a last resort. God is the first choice of the godly person. It reminds me of the response of my children when they were young and found themselves scared or in trouble. They would make a bee-line to dear old dad. No hesitation. No reservations. When in trouble or fearful, dad's arms were where they wanted to be. And the same thing should be true of us as believers. We should want to run to God, whole-heartedly, unashamedly, unwaveringly – because He has proven Himself trustworthy time and time again.

But as our kids grow older, they grow less willing to turn to dad when scared or in trouble. They have been trained to be self-sufficient. They learn to develop other options and plans for maintaining their safety. They develop other resources to keep them safe and secure. Dad becomes less necessary, and the thought of jumping into his arms for safety becomes slightly embarrassing. And we do the same thing with God. Over time, before we even know it, we have moved God way down the list in terms of where we turn in times of trouble. We even do our best to develop plans to stay out of trouble so we don't have to turn to God in the first place. It's interesting that the very next verse in Proverbs 18 says, "The rich think of their wealth as a strong defense; they imagine it to be a high wall of safety" (Proverbs 18:11 NLT). Plenty of people try to create their own safety net for life, and in our society, financial stability is seen as a high priority. Think of all the commercials you see that deal with money, savings, retirement planning and financial security. Money has become the new Messiah. It is the answer to all of life's problems, in spite of its lousy reputation for actually being able to deliver any real security or safety. There's nothing wrong with money, saving, planning, or preparing for the future financially. But when all is said and done, there is only one reliable place to turn for protection: The name of the Lord. His reputation is spotless.

Father, Your name or reputation is impeccable. You are completely trustworthy. You aren't just LIKE a strong fortress, You truly ARE one. You have proven Yourself to be a secure choice in the midst of life's difficulties time and time again. But I still look elsewhere so often. Forgive me. Help me understand that You are always the safest, most secure place to turn in times of trouble. Amen.