He
1 I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
I drank my wine with my milk.
God
Eat, friends, drink,
and be drunk with love!
She
2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
my locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
and my heart was thrilled within me.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
they took away my veil,
those watchmen of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
I am sick with love. – Song of Solomon 5:1-8 ESV
Having completed their wedding night, the groom declares his joy at having experienced the intimacy of the marriage bed with the love of his life. His words, while poetic and metaphorical in nature, are thinly veiled descriptions of this momentous and memorable occasion. He speaks these words of satisfaction to himself as he reflects on the physical pleasures that accompanied the consecration of their God-ordained union. He is not bragging about his sexual exploits but simply expressing his joyful delight and deep appreciation for all that has taken place.
He describes the gift of his bride’s virginity as a gift received with gratitude, and he makes it clear that it belongs solely to himself. Take note of the number of times he uses the first-person possessive suffix: “my.”
“I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.”
He uses that same word nine times in one verse, making it virtually impossible to miss the message he is sending. His bride belongs to him and him alone. She has given him the most valuable item she possesses, the gift of her body and the commitment of her ongoing fidelity and faithfulness – for life. And he does not take this gift lightly.
We live in an age where sex has become a commodity, bought and sold to the highest bidder, and looked upon as nothing more than a biological interchange between two consenting adults. In our world, sex carries no real value other than the pleasure it might bring to one or both of the participants. But from God’s divine perspective, sex was always intended to be an expression of the union between one man and one woman, and it was always linked to the ordinance of marriage. Yes, it is the sole means by which humanity can reproduce more of its kind, but there has always been more to sex than procreation. It is to be viewed as a gift from God and treated with the utmost respect and sanctity.
Solomon was right to view his wife’s body as his own but his statements of possessiveness do not convey ownership or a sense of control. His wife is not his personal property to be used, abused, or forced to satisfy his sexual fantasies or comply with his every command. Solomon is expressing the same sentiment that Adam did when he saw Eve for the first time.
“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” – Genesis 2:23 NLT
Adam was fully aware that this hand-crafted gift from God was the byproduct of his own flesh and blood. Eve was a literal part of him.
…the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:21-22 NLT
The apostle Paul adds another twist to this remarkable physical relationship between a husband and a wife, declaring that the man must view his wife as a permanent expression of his own personhood. She is to be seen as a vital part of himself and treated with love, honor, dignity, and respect at all times.
…husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. – Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT
The second half of verse 5 has proven to be a conundrum for biblical scholars over the centuries. There has been much debate concerning the speaker behind the words, with some speculating that they are the words of the wedding guests while others attribute them to Solomon as he rejoins the wedding guests after having consummated his marriage. What makes them difficult to understand is the use of the word, “friends,” which is in the plural form. If these are the words of Solomon, to whom is he speaking? And if the wedding guests are the source of these words, why would they be anywhere near the bedroom of Solomon and his bride?
It makes much more sense to view these as the words of God Himself, as He encourages the couple to enjoy the gift He has provided for them and to do so for years to come.
“Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!” – Song of Solomon 5:1b NLT
Solomon’s rapturous recollection of his wedding night is followed by a far less delightful description of the loss of intimacy between the couple. No timeline is given as to when this event took place, but it is clear that something happened between Solomon and his new wife. The joy of their wedding night was interrupted by their first fight.
Solomon’s wife has yet another dream in which she hears the impassioned pleas of her husband begging for her to open the doors to her chamber.
“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,
my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night.” – Song of Solomon 5:2 NLT
But rather than comply with his wishes, she offers up excuses.
“I have taken off my robe.
Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet.
Should I get them soiled?” – Song of Solomon 5:3 NLT
It would appear that she was already in bed and had no desire to accommodate her husband’s calls to let him in. But her refusal to open the door only made Solomon more aggressive in his approach as made repeated attempts to open the door. His persistence made an impact on his wife, softening her heart and creating in her a desire to change her mind and open the door. But when she finally relented and unlocked the door to her chamber, her husband was nowhere to be found; he had given up and walked away.
“I jumped up to open the door for my love,
and my hands dripped with perfume.
My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh
as I pulled back the bolt.
I opened to my lover,
but he was gone!
My heart sank.” – Song of Solomon 5:5-6 NLT
She was too late. She had waited too long. Her disinterest had produced disappointment and now she was forced to go on yet another nocturnal search for her missing husband (Song of Solomon 3:1-5). Rebuffed by his wife’s persistent refusal to open her door, Solomon had stalked away, probably in a state of anger and frustration.
This scene is all too familiar to any married couple. How quickly the love and infatuation of the wedding night can turn to disinterest and disappointment. As beautiful and appealing as the sexual aspect of marriage can be, it cannot be the sole source of solidarity. In other words, sex can’t hold a marriage together. There will be times when a couple falls out of love with one another; it is inevitable and unavoidable. Their physical desire will ebb and flow. One will withhold sexual intimacy from the other – sometimes for purely innocent reasons, but other times as a means to cause hurt.
In this case, it appears that the wife was simply tired and “not in the mood.” But rather than lovingly conveying her thoughts, she simply “locked the door” and left her husband to speculate and draw unhealthy conclusions. It is unlikely that he left her chamber that night in a happy state and fully satisfied with her rejection of his advances. All of this could have been avoided by a short and simple conversation, but this young couple had much to learn about marriage.
Her search did not go well. Not only did she fail to find her husband, but she ended up brutally abused by the night watchmen. Fortunately, this was a dream and none of this took place in real life. But this dark aspect of her dream would seem to indicate that she suffered punishment for her refusal to open the door to her husband. In a sense, she blamed herself for his disappearance and suffered the consequences.
In her dream, the young wife calls out to her friends, begging them to assist her in the search for her missing husband.
“Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem—
If you find my lover,
tell him I am weak with love.” – Song of Solomon 5:8 NLT
She regrets her earlier decision and longs to be reunited with her lover. She has learned a valuable lesson and only wants a second chance to renew her love and affection for the one she earlier rejected. This entire section paints an all too realistic view of the marriage relationship. it is not always easy and during the course of any marriage, the love between a husband and wife will ebb and flow. Sexual attraction will have its highs and lows. Poor communication will be a constant source of conflict.
Solomon and his bride were going to learn that a good marriage requires hard work. True love requires commitment, sacrifice, selflessness, and a desire to put the needs of others ahead of your own. The apostle Paul put it this way: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT). And while he wasn’t necessarily addressing his words to married couples, they are highly appropriate and applicable.
Solomon and his wife were learning that marriage is a covenant that requires so much more than mere physical attraction. To last a lifetime, a marriage will need the full buy-in and complete commitment of both the husband and the wife. But what makes a successful marriage is not the wholehearted commitment of two dedicated individuals, but the presence of God. He alone can turn a good marriage into a great one and transform two into one.
English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001
New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.