Trying To Be God’s King Without God’s Help

31 Now Barzillai the Gileadite had come down from Rogelim, and he went on with the king to the Jordan, to escort him over the Jordan. 32 Barzillai was a very aged man, eighty years old. He had provided the king with food while he stayed at Mahanaim, for he was a very wealthy man. 33 And the king said to Barzillai, “Come over with me, and I will provide for you with me in Jerusalem.” 34 But Barzillai said to the king, “How many years have I still to live, that I should go up with the king to Jerusalem? 35 I am this day eighty years old. Can I discern what is pleasant and what is not? Can your servant taste what he eats or what he drinks? Can I still listen to the voice of singing men and singing women? Why then should your servant be an added burden to my lord the king? 36 Your servant will go a little way over the Jordan with the king. Why should the king repay me with such a reward? 37 Please let your servant return, that I may die in my own city near the grave of my father and my mother. But here is your servant Chimham. Let him go over with my lord the king, and do for him whatever seems good to you.” 38 And the king answered, “Chimham shall go over with me, and I will do for him whatever seems good to you, and all that you desire of me I will do for you.” 39 Then all the people went over the Jordan, and the king went over. And the king kissed Barzillai and blessed him, and he returned to his own home. 40 The king went on to Gilgal, and Chimham went on with him. All the people of Judah, and also half the people of Israel, brought the king on his way.

41 Then all the men of Israel came to the king and said to the king, “Why have our brothers the men of Judah stolen you away and brought the king and his household over the Jordan, and all David’s men with him?” 42 All the men of Judah answered the men of Israel, “Because the king is our close relative. Why then are you angry over this matter? Have we eaten at all at the king’s expense? Or has he given us any gift?” 43 And the men of Israel answered the men of Judah, “We have ten shares in the king, and in David also we have more than you. Why then did you despise us? Were we not the first to speak of bringing back our king?” But the words of the men of Judah were fiercer than the words of the men of Israel. – 2 Samuel 19:31-43- ESV

The closing verses of chapter 19 serve as a foreboding preface for all that lies ahead. As David attempted to reestablish his hold on the throne of Israel, he was faced with the task of rewarding those who had stood by his side during Absalom’s short-lived coup. At the same time, he needed to win back the allegiance of those who had sided with Absalom in his rebellion. There were some, like Barzillai, who had aided David in his escape from Jerusalem. This wealthy octogenarian had provided David and his followers with food while they were in Mahanaim. Barzillai was from Gilead, a region east of the Jordan River that was divided between the tribes of Gad and Manasseh. While his tribal membership is not mentioned, Barzillai had proven to be an ally during those difficult days after David was forced to abdicate his throne. When David invited Barzillai to return with him to Jerusalem, the elderly man politely declined the offer, choosing instead to live out his remaining days in the familiar surroundings of his hometown. But as an expression of gratitude for David’s generous offer, Barzillai suggested that Chimham take his place. Chimham, who was likely Barzillai’s son, returned to Jerusalem with David and received the benefit of the king’s gratitude. 

But there was a storm brewing. David’s return to the throne was going to be a rocky one, and simply handing out rewards to those who had stood by his side was not going to make the transfer of power any easier. Absalom’s well-orchestrated coup attempt had divided the kingdom. His plan to win the hearts of the people had been highly effective and had caused a large portion of the nation to turn against David. While David’s physical return to Jerusalem went smoothly, he was going to have a much more difficult time restoring public confidence in his leadership.

When Joab finally convinced David to end his excessive mourning over Absalom’s death, David’s first course of action was to seek the support of his own clan, the tribe of Judah. He knew he was going to need their support if he was going to reestablish his fractured and weakened kingdom. call for the tribe of Judah to come to his aid. In a message that appears to utilize guilt as its primary motivating factor, David confronted the leaders of Judah.

“Why are you the last ones to welcome back the king into his palace? For I have heard that all Israel is ready. You are my relatives, my own tribe, my own flesh and blood! So why are you the last ones to welcome back the king?” – 2 Samuel 19:11-12 NLT

David was painting his kinsmen as holdouts, suggesting that they were the last ones to the party. To hear David tell the story, he received a hero’s welcome when he returned to Jerusalem, but that wasn’t exactly the case. David’s return was no more triumphant than his humiliating exit had been. Yet, in an attempt to shame his fellow Judahites into action, he gives an overly optimistic assessment of his current situation. But the text paints a slightly different picture.

Meanwhile, the Israelites who had supported Absalom fled to their homes. And throughout all the tribes of Israel there was much discussion and argument going on. The people were saying, “The king rescued us from our enemies and saved us from the Philistines, but Absalom chased him out of the country. Now Absalom, whom we anointed to rule over us, is dead. Why not ask David to come back and be our king again?” – 2 Samuel 19:9-10 NLT

The nation was in a state of turmoil as people tried to assess all that had taken place. David’s stellar reputation as the warrior-king had taken a serious hit as a result of Absalom’s bloodless coup. The man who had slain Goliath and led Israel in victories over their enemies had lost his throne to his own son and failed to put up a fight. This left the people questioning whether David was the right man for the job. Had political polling been available, David would have scored low in consumer confidence and popular support. He was damaged goods and attempting to rule over a divided and demoralized people.

So, despite David’s assertion that the tribe of Judah was late to the party, not everybody had lined up to welcome David home. The Israelites, representing the ten tribes besides Judah and the Benjaminites, were divided in their thoughts regarding David. Many were scared that he would seek retribution against them for siding with Absalom. Others argued that David had been successful against the enemies of Israel, but had fled at the sight of Absalom. The only real vote of confidence that David received was that, with Absalom’s death, he was the only logical choice as a replacement. That is not exactly a rousing endorsement. Yet, David was under the somewhat deluded impression that all of Israel was ready to welcome him back and used this thought to goad the tribe of Judah into action. In doing so, David actually made his problem worse.

His message produced results but probably not what David expected. The text states that “All the troops of Judah and half the troops of Israel escorted the king on his way” (2 Samuel 19:40 NLT). He was able to garner the full support of his own tribe but not everyone was on board with David’s return. Many remained in hiding, fearing what David would do when he returned to power. 

To a certain extent, the nation of Israel remained a loosely held-together confederation of 12 tribes. David had located his capital in Jerusalem, within the borders of his own tribe of Judah. The other tribes wrestled with thoughts of jealousy and envy at Judah’s hold on the reins of power and they demonstrated their dissatisfaction by accusing David of cronyism. 

But all the men of Israel complained to the king, “The men of Judah stole the king and didn’t give us the honor of helping take you, your household, and all your men across the Jordan.” – 2 Samuel 19:41 NLT

These men knew that they had their work cut out for them because they had chosen to side against David. Now that he was back in power, they were going to have to get back into his good graces. When they saw the tribe of Judah accompanying David back into the capital, they feared that David was going to hold them accountable for the allegiance they showed to Absalom. They believed David’s close ties to his own tribe would leave everyone else in the not-so-pleasant position of being outsiders. They knew their actions against David were going to make reconciliation difficult. So, they went out of their way to portray themselves as victims. They claimed that they were being overlooked and left out of the plans for the nation’s reunification.

It’s important to remember that these people had just fought a major battle against one another in which 20,000 men had died. There were still emotional and physical wounds to be healed. The civil war that had just taken place, while short-lived, had left deep-seated animosities between the tribes. Every step David took, both literally and figuratively, was going to be hyper-analyzed. His leadership skills were going to be put to the test. His ability to navigate the stormy and dangerous waters of reunification was going to require a wisdom greater than he possessed. If David ever needed God, it was now. But there is a marked absence of any reference to God in any of this narrative.

At so many other times in his life, when facing difficulty, David sought God. He would seek the Almighty’s counsel and refrain from making any decisions until he knew what God would have him do. But here, in the heat of the moment, David appears to be acting on impulse. Perhaps he was in a hurry to put this nasty episode behind him and restore a sense of normalcy to the situation. But every decision he makes seems to blow up in his face. In ignoring God’s will, David would suffer the consequences, but he would also learn the difficult lessons that come with leadership. Simply wearing the crown did not make him a king. Getting his kingdom back wasn’t going to win his people back. Handing out rewards was not going to heal the wounds that plagued his nation. David needed the wisdom of God. Without His help, David was like any other man, susceptible to outside influences, filled with inner conflicts, motivated by fear, plagued by thoughts of self-preservation, capable of anger, and always subject to sin.

Far too often, we read the stories of David’s life and attempt to turn him into an icon of virtue and a model for spirituality and godly leadership. But David was a man. Yes, he was a man after God’s own heart, but that doesn’t mean he always did what God would have him do. The real lessons to be learned from the life of David have to do with the faithfulness of God, not the righteousness of David. His life is a stark reminder of mankind’s need for the assistance of a holy and righteous God.

David was God’s anointed king; he had been hand-picked for the role. But without constant reliance upon God, David was an accident waiting to happen. Apart from God, his life tended to end up as a train wreck with bodies strewn across the landscape. The good news of the gospel is not just that we have been chosen by God to receive His mercy and grace made available through His Son’s death on the cross, but that we have been given access to His wisdom and power every day of our lives. We have received unlimited forgiveness for the sins we will inevitably commit. We have His unfailing love even when we fail to love Him consistently or completely.

David wasn’t a perfect king, but he was God’s king. His life provides us with a powerful reminder that our best days will be those in which we recognize our weakness and our need for God’s power. Trying to be God’s king without God’s help would never work out well for David. In the same way, when we attempt to be good Christians without the benefit of God’s power, grace, and mercy, it will never produce the results we are hoping for. David was going to learn to trust in God, not himself. He was going to find out that winning the support of men would never replace his need for the sovereign power of God in his life. 

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Godly Leadership Is Impossible Without God's Help

24 And Mephibosheth the son of Saul came down to meet the king. He had neither taken care of his feet nor trimmed his beard nor washed his clothes, from the day the king departed until the day he came back in safety. 25 And when he came to Jerusalem to meet the king, the king said to him, “Why did you not go with me, Mephibosheth?” 26 He answered, “My lord, O king, my servant deceived me, for your servant said to him, ‘I will saddle a donkey for myself, that I may ride on it and go with the king.’ For your servant is lame. 27 He has slandered your servant to my lord the king. But my lord the king is like the angel of God; do therefore what seems good to you. 28 For all my father’s house were but men doomed to death before my lord the king, but you set your servant among those who eat at your table. What further right have I, then, to cry to the king?” 29 And the king said to him, “Why speak any more of your affairs? I have decided: you and Ziba shall divide the land.” 30 And Mephibosheth said to the king, “Oh, let him take it all, since my lord the king has come safely home.” – 2 Samuel 19:24-30 ESV

This short little vignette offers another example of David’s seeming inability to deal wisely and decisively with difficult situations. Upon his return to Jerusalem and the royal palace, he is immediately faced with a dilemma: What to do with Mephibosheth, the crippled son of Jonathan whom David had taken into his home and treated like a family member (2 Samuel 9). David had gone out of his way to bestow on Mephibosheth every kindness in keeping with his oath to Jonathan. He had graciously awarded this young man all the land that had belonged to his deceased grandfather Saul. Then David appointed Ziba, King Saul’s former attendant, to serve as the caretaker of all Mephibosheth’s possessions.

“Everything that belonged to Saul and to his entire house I hereby give to your master’s grandson. You will cultivate the land for him—you and your sons and your servants. You will bring its produce and it will be food for your master’s grandson to eat.” – 2 Samuel 9:9-10 NLT

But as David was fleeing from Jerusalem, he was surprised when Ziba showed up bearing provisions. When David asked him where his master was, Ziba told him, “He stayed in Jerusalem” (2 Samuel 16:3 NLT). Then he added a bit of news that would condemn Mephibosheth in David’s eyes. He informed David that when Mephibosheth had heard that Absalom was taking over the kingdom, he had replied, “Today I will get back the kingdom of my grandfather Saul” (2 Samuel 16:3 NLT). This was nothing less than an accusation of treason. Ziba inferred that Mephibosheth was siding with Absalom in the hopes of regaining the crown. But none of that should have made sense to David. Absalom was not going to hand the kingdom over to Mephibosheth, just because he was the grandson of Saul.

Mephibosheth had nothing to gain by Absalom becoming king. David had already given him all the land that had once belonged to Saul. Ziba and his 15 sons were ordered by David to care for the land on Mephibosheth’s behalf, while he ate all his meals with David in the palace. But it’s not hard to guess why Ziba might want to paint Mephibosheth in a negative light and why he showed up that day bearing gifts for David. It was all a ruse and David fell for it. Upon hearing of Mephibosheth’s betrayal, David informed Ziba, “Everything that was Mephibosheth’s now belongs to you” (2 Samuel 16:4 NLT).

David took Ziba at his word, making no attempt to verify his story or provide Mephibosheth with a chance to defend himself. Without a fair trial, David passed sentence on Jonathan’s son and transferred all his property and possessions to Ziba. Then David returned to Jerusalem and was confronted with Mephibosheth’s side of the story. Shocked at Mephibosheth’s disheveled state, David inquired why he had chosen to remain in Jerusalem rather than escape with the rest of David’s family. Mephibosheth revealed that he had intended to, but had been betrayed by Ziba.

“My lord the king, my servant Ziba deceived me. I told him, ‘Saddle my donkey so I can go with the king.’ For as you know I am crippled. Ziba has slandered me by saying that I refused to come. But I know that my lord the king is like an angel of God, so do what you think is best. All my relatives and I could expect only death from you, my lord, but instead you have honored me by allowing me to eat at your own table! What more can I ask?” – 2 Samuel 19:26-28 NLT

Things were not as they seemed and David was faced with a difficult decision. He had already awarded all the property and possessions of Mephibosheth to Ziba, which may explain why Mephibosheth “had not cared for his feet, trimmed his beard, or washed his clothes since the day the king left Jerusalem” (2 Samuel 19:24 NLT). Now David found himself needing to rectify the problem. Mephibosheth had been falsely accused and unjustly punished and David must make matters right. But what would be the just and wise thing to do? With what appears to be little deliberation and no consultation, David stated, “I’ve decided that you and Ziba will divide your land equally between you” (2 Samuel 19:29 NLT).

David’s decision did nothing to deal with Ziba’s false accusations and slander of Mephibosheth. Rather than holding this deceitful servant accountable for his actions, David rewarded him. But Mephibosheth’s response to David’s decision speaks volumes. He didn’t complain or argue. He simply replied, “Give him all of it. I am content just to have you safely back again, my lord the king!” (2 Samuel 19:30 NLT). This remarkable reaction should have opened David’s eyes as to what was really going on. He should have seen through Ziba’s self-serving display of loyalty and punished him accordingly. But instead, David left him a wealthy man.

This whole exchange brings to mind a similar story that took place during the reign of Solomon, David’s son. Renowned for his wisdom and ability to adjudicate disputes, Solomon was confronted with a case involving two women who came to him for justice. It would require Solomon to determine the truth regarding which woman was the real mother of an infant boy. Here are the details provided by the women themselves, just as Solomon heard it:

“Please, my lord,” one of them began, “this woman and I live in the same house. I gave birth to a baby while she was with me in the house. Three days later this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there were only two of us in the house.

 “But her baby died during the night when she rolled over on it. Then she got up in the night and took my son from beside me while I was asleep. She laid her dead child in my arms and took mine to sleep beside her. And in the morning when I tried to nurse my son, he was dead! But when I looked more closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn’t my son at all.”

Then the other woman interrupted, “It certainly was your son, and the living child is mine.”

“No,” the first woman said, “the living child is mine, and the dead one is yours.” And so they argued back and forth before the king. – 1 Kings 3:17-22 NLT

What would Solomon do? How would he decide which woman was telling the truth? Interestingly enough, his initial decision was similar to that of David. He determined to divide the disputed “property” between the two of them.

Then the king said, “Let’s get the facts straight. Both of you claim the living child is yours, and each says that the dead one belongs to the other. All right, bring me a sword.” So a sword was brought to the king.

Then he said, “Cut the living child in two, and give half to one woman and half to the other!” – 1 Kings 3:23-25 NLT

But Solomon’s decision was calculated, crafty, and designed to expose the truth. The real mother, shocked at the thought of her son being put to death, pleaded with Solomon to spare his life by allowing the other woman to have him. The other woman, driven by jealousy and not by love for the baby, callously replied, “All right, he will be neither yours nor mine; divide him between us!” (1 Kings 3:26 NLT).

Solomon heard all he needed to hear, and wisely ruled, “Do not kill the child, but give him to the woman who wants him to live, for she is his mother!” (1 Kings 3:27 NLT).

So, what does this have to do with David, Ziba, and Mephibosheth? The response of the baby’s real mother and the reaction of Mephibosheth provide evidence that their stories are true. Solomon was wise enough to see through the lies of the other woman. But David, having already awarded all of Mephibosheth’s land to Ziba, decided to split the difference and give each of them half. He took the path of least resistance, disregarding Ziba’s deceit and ignoring the injustice done to Mephibosheth.

When Mephibosheth replied, “Give him all of it", David should have seen through Ziba’s lies and reinstated all the lands of Saul back to Mephibosheth. But instead, he ended up rewarding Ziba for his deception.

It appears that David was in a conciliatory mood and didn’t want to offend anybody. He was more interested in making peace than dispensing justice. At this point in his life, getting along was more important than doing what was right. He was just happy to have his kingdom back and was willing to compromise his convictions if it would help restore some sense of normalcy. Winning friends and influencing enemies was first and foremost on his mind.

But David was the king and it was his duty to dispense justice. He had a God-given responsibility to rule righteously and justly, not based on expedience or convenience. It would be Solomon, David’s son and successor to the throne, who would write the following words that stand in stark contrast to the actions of David.

Give your love of justice to the king, O God,
    and righteousness to the king’s son.
Help him judge your people in the right way;
    let the poor always be treated fairly.
May the mountains yield prosperity for all,
    and may the hills be fruitful.
Help him to defend the poor,
    to rescue the children of the needy,
    and to crush their oppressors.
May they fear you as long as the sun shines,
    as long as the moon remains in the sky.
    Yes, forever! – Psalm 72:1-5 NLT

The prophet, Isaiah spoke of a future day when a righteous king will reign justly and righteously.

Look, a righteous king is coming!
    And honest princes will rule under him.
Each one will be like a shelter from the wind
    and a refuge from the storm,
like streams of water in the desert
    and the shadow of a great rock in a parched land.

Then everyone who has eyes will be able to see the truth,
    and everyone who has ears will be able to hear it.
Even the hotheads will be full of sense and understanding.
    Those who stammer will speak out plainly.
In that day ungodly fools will not be heroes.
    Scoundrels will not be respected. – Isaiah 32:1-5 NLT

That future king is Jesus. He will rule on this earth from the throne of David in Jerusalem. He will not be swayed by the lies of ungodly fools or motivated by the deceptive actions of scoundrels. He will be anything but politically correct. He will not rule selfishly or short-sightedly. He will always be concerned with the glory of God and the good of the people.

David would ultimately prove to be a good king and, some might even say, a great king. But he was nothing compared to the King to come. David was a man, marred by sin and easily influenced by the falsehood within his own heart and the deceptive motives of those around him. But the life of David provides a powerful lesson for all who would lead well. Even a man after God’s own heart will find himself incapable of godly leadership if he fails to avail himself of God’s presence and power. Without God’s divine assistance, we are easily deceived by our own hearts and by the deceitful influences of others. We become easy prey to the enemy. Only God can provide us with the wisdom we need to lead our families, employees, churches, and lives well. David provides a much-needed reminder that godly leadership is impossible without God’s help.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Words Can Hurt and Also Heal

1 It was told Joab, “Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 2 So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people, for the people heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” 3 And the people stole into the city that day as people steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle. 4 The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” 5 Then Joab came into the house to the king and said, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines, 6 because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased. 7 Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now.” 8 Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate. And the people were all told, “Behold, the king is sitting in the gate.” And all the people came before the king.

Now Israel had fled every man to his own home. 9 And all the people were arguing throughout all the tribes of Israel, saying, “The king delivered us from the hand of our enemies and saved us from the hand of the Philistines, and now he has fled out of the land from Absalom. 10 But Absalom, whom we anointed over us, is dead in battle. Now therefore why do you say nothing about bringing the king back?” – 2 Samuel 19:1-10 ESV

David needed a kick in the pants. He may have been king, but he wasn’t acting like one. His faithful followers had just handed him a great victory over Absalom and his forces, returning him to the throne of Israel, but all he could do was weep and mourn over the loss of his son. No explanation is given for David’s deep depression and what appears to be excessive grief over the death of his rebellious son. It’s impossible to know whether David was grieving over the loss of Absalom or if he was suffering remorse over his own sins that had been the impetus for the entire affair. Perhaps David was regretting his less-than-stellar parenting skills that had led to his son’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, his rebellion against him. Whatever the reason behind David’s ongoing grief, it had become a serious problem.

David had returned to power but had ordered no victory celebration to commemorate the occasion. He had offered no words of gratitude to his troops. He had failed to express his condolences to those families whose fathers and sons had died in the battle. In fact, the text makes it clear that David was obsessed with the loss of his son and nothing else. He remained in a perpetual state of mourning, repeating the words, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 19:4 ESV).

David’s dour mood affected the entire city. We’re told the people “crept back into the town that day as though they were ashamed and had deserted in battle” (2 Samuel 19:3 NLT). Absalom’s coup attempt had been successfully shut down but “the joy of that day’s victory was turned into deep sadness” (2 Samuel 19:2 NLT) – all because of David’s lingering sorrow over his son’s death.

David was an emotional wreck and in no state to shepherd the sheep of God. He had regained his throne but had effectively abdicated his responsibilities to lead his people. As he languished in sorrow, they began to lose faith in him. They questioned his love for them, and it seemed that this state of affairs would have gone on indefinitely had Joab not intervened.

As David’s long-time friend and the commander of his army, Joab refused to sit back and watch David squander this great victory and continue to treat his people with contempt. Angered by David’s actions, Joab stepped in and spoke up and, in doing so, he took a great risk. After all, David was the king and Joab had disobeyed his direct order to spare Absalom’s life. He had personally taken it upon himself to execute the king’s son and put an end to the rebellion. Now, he was going to confront the man who could have him put to death for his insubordination. But for Joab, it was worth the risk. Something had to be done. So, in a display of extreme selflessness, Joab entered the king’s chambers and read his friend the riot act.

“Today you have embarrassed all your servants who have saved your life this day, as well as the lives of your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your concubines. You seem to love your enemies and hate your friends! For you have as much as declared today that leaders and servants don’t matter to you.” – 2 Samuel 19:5-6 NLT

Joab pulled no punches and wasted no time with niceties. He didn’t stroke the king’s ego or give him a reassuring hug. He refused to join David in mourning the loss of Absalom because he didn’t share David’s sense of sorrow or regret over Absalom’s death. His decision to kill Absalom was motivated by his love for David and his concern for the well-being of the kingdom. Now, he was putting his own life on the line by dropping a truth bomb on his inconsolable and incapacitated friend.

The Bible has much to say about the power of a well-intended and well-timed rebuke. It is never something we like to do but there are times when it is exactly what we need to do. A rebuke, when done in love, has a curative and restorative quality to it. The apostle James reminds us, “you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins” (James 5:20 NLT). David’s excessive mourning over the loss of Absalom was a sin. He was not only offending the sensibilities of his own people by overlooking all that they had done for him, but he was treating God with contempt by refusing to acknowledge that Absalom’s death had been divinely sanctioned. Through the actions of Joab, God had done what David had refused to do; punish Absalom for his murder of Amnon. David’s inaction led to Absalom’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, to his decision to replace his father as king. Yet, God had graciously restored David to the throne. The Almighty had thwarted the plans of Absalom and reasserted His sovereign will for His chosen servant, David. But it took a wake-up call from Joab to shake David out of his debilitating state of melancholy and lethargy.

The Proverbs of Solomon have much to say about the topic of rebuke.

Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. – Proverbs 28:23 ESV

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV

Solomon would go on to discuss the same topic in the Book of Ecclesiastes.

Better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised by a fool. – Ecclesiastes 7:5 NLT

Perhaps Solomon, the son of David and the God-appointed heir to David’s throne learned these lessons from observing his father. He may have recalled his father’s response to Absalom’s death and hearing of Joab’s timely intervention. It’s also likely that he was familiar with the words his father penned in one of his psalms:

Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it. – Psalm 141:5 NLT

What Joab had to say was difficult for David to hear. His words would have stung but they were necessary and exactly what David needed at this point in his life. Blinded by his grief, David was oblivious to the devastating impact his actions were having on all those around him. So Joab was blunt, even harsh, telling David, “You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT).

Those words must have been like a slap in the face to David. But Joab was not done. He continued to berate David, stating, “It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT). In this obvious use of hyperbole, Joab was trying to shock his friend into recognizing the error of his ways. The exaggerated nature of Joab’s words was intended to elicit some kind of response from his listless friend. His language was meant to shock and shame David in action.

One can only imagine how David’s excessive sorrow over Absalom’s death affected his other children. How were they supposed to take this over-the-top display of sorrow for their murderous and rebellious brother? What about the ten concubines who had been sexually humiliated by Absalom on the palace rooftop? How did they feel when David wept uncontrollably over the loss of his son but refused to address what he had done to them. There is no indication in the text that David ever addressed these women personally or did anything to alleviate their pain and loss.

David’s behavior had become dangerously destructive. His fractured kingdom and damaged reputation needed repair, but his obsession with Absalom’s death was doing more harm than good. So, once again, Joab took matters into his own hands and did what needed to be done. He was willing to wound his friend and risk his own life to save the kingdom – and his efforts worked.

So the king went out and took his seat at the town gate, and as the news spread throughout the town that he was there, everyone went to him. – 2 Samuel 19:8 NLT

Joab put his neck on the line. But why? Because he cared for David. He knew that if he did nothing, the ramifications would be devastating. He warned David, “Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before” (2 Samuel 19:7 NLT). Doing nothing was not an option for Joab. He could not afford to sit back and watch David destroy the kingdom. There was far too much at stake.

As the Proverbs states, faithful are the wounds of a friend. Words, even when spoken in love, can hurt. But if our intention is to restore and reconcile, then the pain will be well worth it. If we are motivated by love, our words, while initially hurtful, will prove helpful in the long run. David was in deep sorrow, but it was a misdirected and unhealthy kind of sorrow that was destroying all those around him. He expressed no sorrow over the 20,000 Israelites who lost their lives in the battle between his forces and those of Absalom. He displayed no regret or repentance for his role in the whole affair. Not once does David confess to God or admit his culpability for all that had taken place. So, in a sense, David’s sorrow was unacceptable because it mourned over the wrong things. The apostle Paul provides a powerful reminder of what godly sorrow really looks like:

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT

Had Joab not spoken up, David might never have woken up to the devastating nature of his actions. Joab’s love is evidenced in his willingness to say the hard things that David needed to hear. To say nothing would have been easier, but it would have been nothing less than an expression of hatred.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.