Deadly Serious About Marriage

22 “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.

23 “If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, 24 then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbor’s wife. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.

25 “But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. 26 But you shall do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no offense punishable by death. For this case is like that of a man attacking and murdering his neighbor, 27 because he met her in the open country, and though the betrothed young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her.

28 “If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, 29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.

30  “A man shall not take his father’s wife, so that he does not uncover his father’s nakedness.” – Deuteronomy 22:22-30 ESV

God had provided Israel with laws concerning every aspect of life, including marriage. And, because God knew the hearts of His people, His laws covered virtually every conceivable circumstance that might arise. He knew that, in their fallen state, they would be constantly tempted to find loopholes that would allow them to circumvent His laws. That’s why the Mosaic Law contains such explicit instructions regarding the sexual relationship between a man and a woman.

“If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.” – Exodus 22:16-17 ESV

For one thing, these kinds of laws reveal God’s perspective on marriage. His chosen people were not free to let their base sexual passions dictate their behavior. Physical desires, while instilled by the Creator, were not to dictate human interaction. The fall had damaged mankind, leaving behind a natural proclivity to serve self at all costs. And the unequivocal prohibitions God gave the people of Israel were designed to curb their predisposition to allow their basest needs to drive their behavior. So, two of the ten commandments God gave to Moses contained restrictions regarding marriage and sex.

“You shall not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:14 ESV

“You shall not … covet your neighbor's wife.” – Exodus 20:17 ESV

These two commands are inextricably linked. Coveting, the attraction to something you do not possess can quickly move from an emotional appetite to a physical action to satisfy that appetite. While the concept of coveting is not always negative, in this context, it carries the idea of desire for something that is off-limits. It is a greed-driven craving for that which has been forbidden. If you covet your neighbor’s wife, it won’t be long before that inappropriate desire manifests itself in action, and the coveting takes the form of adultery.

So, here in Deuteronomy 22, we find Moses providing additional instructions regarding marriage and sex. The very fact that God had Moses go into such great detail reveals the extent of Israel’s love affair with sin and selfishness. 

In verses 22-30, there are five specific scenarios outlined that deal with the unseemly topics of adultery and rape. That God had Moses go into such vivid detail reveals the extent of human sin and its infectious nature. While the people of Israel had been set apart by God as His chosen possession, they still suffered from the effects of the fall and were going to find themselves constantly struggling to stifle their naturaul inclination to satisfy self at all costs.

First of all, adultery was a serious matter punishable by death. The marriage union was not something to be taken lightly or treated flippantly. When God said the two shall become one, He meant it. And while man’s sin nature would constantly entice him to replace God’s will with his own self-centered desires, there would always be consequences – deadly serious consequences.

Marriage was so important to God that even the betrothal or engagement stage of the marriage union was protected by His laws. The betrothal period was considered sacrosanct and was to be treated with an appropriate degree of reverence. Even though the betrothed couple had not yet consummated their marriage, they were considered as one in the eyes of God. They were bound together by a covenant agreement. So, if it was discovered that a betrothed woman had sexual relations with a man other than her husband-to-be, she was to be put to death, along with her partner.

But Moses provided a mitigating circumstance. What if the woman had been unwillingly raped by another man? He paints the scenario of a man sexually assaulting a woman in the middle of nowhere, where her screams for help go unanswered. In that case, the man is to be stoned to death for rape and the woman is to be exonerated.

Then, Moses provides one final case involving a man who forcibly rapes an unbetrothed virgin. In this instance, the man is responsible to marry the woman and to pay a proper dowry to her parents. In God’s eyes, the man is guilty of having stolen something of great value: the young woman’s virginity. But he is also guilty of depriving the girl’s parents of their right to a dowry. In the ancient economy, a daughter could bring a family much-needed revenue in the form of money or livestock. A son could work in the fields and help maintain the family’s resources, He could also inherit all that belonged to the family, ensuring that the legacy of his father was continued. But a daughter brought value to the family through marriage. So, if a man raped a virgin, he was obligated to marry her and to provide her family with an appropriate dowry to compensate for his sin.

The final case most likely involves a son marrying his own stepmother. The text describes her as “his father’s wife,” not as his own mother. So, it seems that the circumstance to which Moses refers involves a son marrying the widow of his deceased father. This was considered to be a case of incest, even though the woman was not his actual birth-mother. While the Mosaic Law allowed for a widow to remarry, it was not appropriate for a son to marry his widowed step-mother. Moses describes it as “uncovering his father’s nakedness.” 

The apostle Paul had to address this very issue taking place within the church in Corinth.

I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. I am told that a man in your church is living in sin with his stepmother. You are so proud of yourselves, but you should be mourning in sorrow and shame. And you should remove this man from your fellowship. – 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 NLT

God has standards. And He requires that His people live up to those standards. As a holy and righteous God, He cannot allow those who bear His name to conduct themselves according to their own whims. Their sin natures will always lead to moral compromise and result in the defamation of God’s reputation. As His image-bearers, they were to honor His reputation through the way they conducted their lives.

The righteous behavior of God’s people is designed to display His righteousness to the world. They are to outwardly manifest His holiness through their willing obedience to His divine decrees. The laws governing their behavior came from a holy God. Their adherence to those laws was to be a visible expression of their love for Him. 

Jesus told His disciples, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15 ESV). Their obedience was less about displaying their own righteousness, than about expressing their love for the One who is righteous. Living set-apart lives, according to the righteous standards of a holy God, is a tangible way in which the people of God display for their love for Him.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Marriage Matters

13 “If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her 14 and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’ 15 then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate. 16 And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her; 17 and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city. 18 Then the elders of that city shall take the man and whip him, 19 and they shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days. 20 But if the thing is true, that evidence of virginity was not found in the young woman, 21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring in her father's house. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.” – Deuteronomy 22:13-21 ESV

We once again find ourselves in difficult and, this time, delicate territory. In this section, Moses is going to address the God-ordained institution of marriage. As we have already seen, God places a high value on all human relationships, but the one between a husband and wife carry special significance to God. All the way back in the book of
Genesis, we have the record of God’s creation of the first man and woman. 

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

“At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,
    and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
    because she was taken from ‘man.’”

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. – Genesis 2:22-24 NLT

From the very beginning, God considered the union between a man and a woman to be much more than a physical or biological transaction involving sexual intercourse. And Jesus Himself provides us with important clarification on God’s view regarding marriage. When asked by the Pharisees if a man could divorce his wife for any reason, Jesus replied:

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?…They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” – Matthew 19:4-5 NLT

The marriage union was to be a permanent one. Jesus and His heavenly Father both saw the relationship between a husband and his wife as a mystical comingling of two into one. And the act of intercourse was a part of this union between the two, as each gave to the other the gift of their own body for the purpose of procreation, but also pleasure. That is why Paul warned the Corinthian believers about the danger of sex outside of the marriage context.

And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” – 1 Corinthians 6:16 NLT

Sex outside of marriage creates an insoluble bond between the two parties. Their physical union was intended to be the consummation of their spiritual union. And God saw their sexual intimacy as a joining together of two souls.

And Paul went on to explain how a husband and wife should view their sexual relationship. The ubiquitous presence of sexual immorality was a constant threat to the sanctity of the marriage bed, so Paul warned that the husband and wife were to view their bodies as belonging to each another, not to themselves. They had no right to share themselves with anyone else.

…because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. – 1 Corinthians 7:2-4 NLT

Which brings us back to these rather strange rules regarding marriage found in Deuteronomy. In the first case, Moses outlines a situation in which a husband accuses his wife of lying about her virginity. The circumstance seems to involve a newly married couple because the husband states, “I married this woman but when I had sexual relations with her I discovered she was not a virgin!” (Deuteronomy 22:14 NLT).

Basically, the man married the girl, decided he did not really love her, and then spread rumors that she had been sexual promiscuous before he married her. In other words, he was accusing her of adultery, a crime punishable by death. This accusation would not only ruin her reputation, but it would also result in her being stoned to death. And the sense of the passage is that the man was simply looking for a good reason to divorce his wife.

In His sermon on the mount, Jesus had this to say regarding divorce: “But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery” (Matthew 5:32 NLT). It would have been easy for the man to level this accusation against his wife, providing him with a sure-fire excuse to divorce her. But Jesus would later provide further insight into the topic of divorce. At one point, He was asked by the Pharisees, “why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” (Matthew 19:7 NLT).

And Jesus replied to them, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful” (Matthew 19:8-9 NLT). God never intended for divorce to be an option. But the provision was provided for in the case of unfaithfulness.

So, the scenario in Deuteronomy involves a man charging his wife of unfaithfulness based on his claim that she had not been a virgin. But Moses provides a strange but culturally acceptable means by which the woman could prove her innocence. It was a common practice in that day for the parents of the bride to place a special cloth on the couple’s bed the night the marriage was to be consummated. The purpose behind the cloth is simple, albeit a bit graphic. The cloth was collected by the parents after the wedding night and kept as proof of the woman’s virginity, the blood found on it providing evidence of her virginity.

The father of the bride could bring this cloth before the authorities to clear his daughter’s name and spare her from death. If the evidence was accepted, the husband was denied his request for divorce and required to pay a hefty fine to her parents. Not only that, he was obligated to remain permanently married to his wife. One of the things that is obvious in all of this is the young girl’s lack of input in all of this. She seems to have no say in any of it. Even the fine was paid to her parents, not to her. The only benefits she received was the clearing of her name and her release from the death sentence. She was still obligated to remain married to a man whom the text clearly states hated her.

But if the man’s charge against her proved to be true and no evidence was found of her virginity, she was to be stoned to death for the crime of adultery. Moses describes her actions as “an outrageous thing in Israel” and accuses her of “whoring in her father's house” (Deuteronomy 22:21 ESV). Prior to her marriage, she would have been living at home with her parents. And while under her father’s roof and protection, she would have committed an act of sexual immorality. This was unacceptable behavior under the Mosaic Law and punishable by death.

But what is the point behind all of this? As we have seen before, God had rules that governed virtually every aspect of life within the Israelite community. He cared deeply about their relationships and wanted all that they did to reflect their status as His chosen people. And because marriage was a God-ordained institution, He created rules to govern the conduct between a husband and a wife. Virginity was given a high priority by God because of the concept of union. Purity was and still is essential to God. Honesty and integrity are non-negotiable attributes that God demands of His people. This entire scenario involves different aspects of falsehood and deception. Either the husband falsely accusing his wife of adultery or the wife attempting to hide the fact that she was not what she claimed to be when he married her. None of this was God’s way. Marriage was too important. The marriage bed was too precious. The union between a husband and wife was too holy.

But the saddest part of this entire passage is the very fact that Moses even had to address this issue at all. It reveals the underlying nature of mankind’s sin problem. God had set apart the people of Israel as His own, but He was constantly having to put restrictions on their behavior to keep them from following their sinful inclinations.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Courtesy and Common Sense

1 “You shall not see your brother’s ox or his sheep going astray and ignore them. You shall take them back to your brother. 2 And if he does not live near you and you do not know who he is, you shall bring it home to your house, and it shall stay with you until your brother seeks it. Then you shall restore it to him. 3 And you shall do the same with his donkey or with his garment, or with any lost thing of your brother’s, which he loses and you find; you may not ignore it. 4 You shall not see your brother’s donkey or his ox fallen down by the way and ignore them. You shall help him to lift them up again.

5 “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.

6 “If you come across a bird’s nest in any tree or on the ground, with young ones or eggs and the mother sitting on the young or on the eggs, you shall not take the mother with the young. 7 You shall let the mother go, but the young you may take for yourself, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long.

8 “When you build a new house, you shall make a parapet for your roof, that you may not bring the guilt of blood upon your house, if anyone should fall from it.

9 “You shall not sow your vineyard with two kinds of seed, lest the whole yield be forfeited, the crop that you have sown and the yield of the vineyard. 10 You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together. 11 You shall not wear cloth of wool and linen mixed together.

12 “You shall make yourself tassels on the four corners of the garment with which you cover yourself.” – Deuteronomy 22:1-12 ESV

Let’s face it. These are some strange-sounding commands that appear to have little or nothing in common. They come across as a set of random rules dealing with a set of seemingly disconnected circumstances. After all, what does returning your brother’s lost ox have to do with building a parapet on your roof? And what do the verses which seem to be addressing cross-dressing have to do with the proper procedure for gathering eggs?

As Moses has revealed before, God was deeply concerned about all aspects of His chosen peoples’ lives. He has provided the Israelites with little leeway. And while many of these commands begin with the familiar phrase, “you shall not…,” they come across less as hard-and-fast prohibitions forbidding certain behaviors than they do as common-sense advice for living. And while, at first glance, they may appear to be somewhat heterogeneous in nature, they share a common theme.

Life within the nation of Israel was to be communal. God had declared the entire nation to be His chosen people. Each of the 12 tribes with each of their various clans formed a collective whole. And within that community, God expected His people to live together in unity, expressing their love for Him through acts of compassion and concern for one another.

Earlier on in the book of Deuteronomy, Moses gave the people of Israel the following command, which became the central part of the Shema, the daily prayer of the Jewish people.

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” – Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV

Love for God was a central tenet to the Hebrew faith. But that love had to have an outlet. It had to be expressed in acts of obedience. And many of the commands God gave to the people of Israel were other-oriented. In other words, they dealt with the interpersonal relationships between fellow Jews. The way they treated one another would be a powerful and visible expression of their love for God.

That is why, when Jesus was asked by the Jewish religious leaders to name the greatest of all the commandments, He stated: “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment” (Matthew 22:37-38 NLT). But then, He quickly added, “A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:39 NLT). Then Jesus summed up His answer with the following point of clarification: “The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:40 NLT).

It is impossible to love God without expressing love for others. And the apostle John makes that distinction quite plain.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? – 1 John 4:20 NLT

That simple, yet profound message seems to be at the core of all the commands found in this section of Deuteronomy. For the most part, they are all horizontal and interpersonal in nature – they flow from one individual to another. And yet, they are concrete expressions of love for God. They display concern for His creation, whether it’s your brother who lost his ox, the ox itself, a bird in its nest, a guest in your home, or the animals used to plow your fields.

Verses 1-4 seem to be dealing with issues concerning common courtesy. If your neighbor has lost his ox, you should show concern. This is nothing more than the Golden Rule lived out in real life. Jesus Himself expressed this sentiment when He said, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets” (Matthew 7:12 NLT).

The Mosaic law put a high priority on the personal interactions between fellow Jews. In fact, Leviticus 19:18 contains the following command: “you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” That’s fairly straightforward and, apparently, not up for debate. To show disregard for your neighbor by neglecting to return his lost ox would be a blatant display of hatred toward God. That’s a convicting and condemning thought.

Even the verses dealing with women and men wearing the clothing of the opposite sex seem to be dealing with interpersonal relationships. It most likely has to do with deception. While there is an obvious moral component to these verses, the context has to do with love for one another. A woman dressing in the clothes of a man would have no implications unless her actions were meant to deceive others. She would be attempting to portray herself as something other than what she really was. And the same would be true of a man who dressed as a woman. For either to do so would be considered an abomination, a disgusting and immoral act. But again, the emphasis in the verses seems to be on the interpersonal relationships between individuals.

The inference seems to be that a woman who dresses as a man is trying to deceive others. She would be attempting to cover up her true, God-given identity, with a false one. And the same would apply to a man who dressed in a woman’s clothing.

Verses 6-7 veer in what appears to be a totally different direction, dealing with the collection of eggs found in a nest. This seems to deal with the proper treatment of God’s creation. God made man to be the steward over His creation.

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” – Genesis 1:28 ESV

The plants, birds, and animals were to serve as sources of sustenance for mankind, but they were to be treated with proper care and concern. Man was not free to abuse God’s creation. So, if someone discovered a bird’s nest containing eggs or recently hatched chicks, they were free to take the eggs or chicks, but they were not to take the hen. This would allow the hen to produce future eggs. Proper care for God’s creation would have long-term benefits. “Do this so that it may go well with you and you may have a long life” (Deuteronomy 22:7 NLT).

The building of a parapet or safety wall around the roof of a home was just another common-sense practice that expressed concern for others. While it might require added construction expense, it would be the right thing to do. If it could prevent the inadvertent death of an innocent individual, any additional cost in money or time would be well worth it. What price can you put on a human life?

In verses 9-11, we have a series of commands prohibiting the mixing of seeds, animals, and fabrics. Again, at first blush, these rules seem odd and unnecessary to us. But they display God’s concern for every aspect of Israelite life. While these restrictions may come across as petty to us, there was a method to God’s seeming madness. All of these things are tied to the pagan practices of the Canaanites. So, while these restrictions have practical applications tied to them, they are really designed to separate the Israelites from the nations around them. The blending of two types of seeds was a common practice among the pagans, because they believed doing would have a mystical benefit to crop production. The combining of dissimilar things was thought to have magical benefits. But God would not allow the Israelites to do things the world’s way. And from a practical standpoint, the combining of these things was ineffective and unhelpful. An ox and donkey will not plow well together. Two different types of cloths will not wear well together. Two different types of seeds will produce a less-than-perfect harvest. So, the Israelites were to do things God’s way.

The final command contains a reminder, not a prohibition. This verse sums up all that Moses had just told them by reminding the Israelites to live their lives set apart unto God.

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel: Throughout the generations to come you must make tassels for the hems of your clothing and attach them with a blue cord. When you see the tassels, you will remember and obey all the commands of the Lord instead of following your own desires and defiling yourselves, as you are prone to do. The tassels will help you remember that you must obey all my commands and be holy to your God.” – Numbers 15:37-40 NLT

Every area of their lives was to be different and distinct. From the way they treated one another to the way they interacted with God’s creation. As His chosen people, they were to live distinctively different lives – for their own good and His glory.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson