When God’s Man Refuses To Do Things God’s Way

1 Now there happened to be there a worthless man, whose name was Sheba, the son of Bichri, a Benjaminite. And he blew the trumpet and said,

“We have no portion in David,
and we have no inheritance in the son of Jesse;
every man to his tents, O Israel!”

2 So all the men of Israel withdrew from David and followed Sheba the son of Bichri. But the men of Judah followed their king steadfastly from the Jordan to Jerusalem.

3 And David came to his house at Jerusalem. And the king took the ten concubines whom he had left to care for the house and put them in a house under guard and provided for them, but did not go in to them. So they were shut up until the day of their death, living as if in widowhood.

4 Then the king said to Amasa, “Call the men of Judah together to me within three days, and be here yourself.” 5 So Amasa went to summon Judah, but he delayed beyond the set time that had been appointed him. 6 And David said to Abishai, “Now Sheba the son of Bichri will do us more harm than Absalom. Take your lord’s servants and pursue him, lest he get himself to fortified cities and escape from us.” 7 And there went out after him Joab’s men and the Cherethites and the Pelethites, and all the mighty men. They went out from Jerusalem to pursue Sheba the son of Bichri. 8 When they were at the great stone that is in Gibeon, Amasa came to meet them. Now Joab was wearing a soldier’s garment, and over it was a belt with a sword in its sheath fastened on his thigh, and as he went forward it fell out. 9 And Joab said to Amasa, “Is it well with you, my brother?” And Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. 10 But Amasa did not observe the sword that was in Joab’s hand. So Joab struck him with it in the stomach and spilled his entrails to the ground without striking a second blow, and he died.

Then Joab and Abishai his brother pursued Sheba the son of Bichri. 11 And one of Joab’s young men took his stand by Amasa and said, “Whoever favors Joab, and whoever is for David, let him follow Joab.” 12 And Amasa lay wallowing in his blood in the highway. And anyone who came by, seeing him, stopped. And when the man saw that all the people stopped, he carried Amasa out of the highway into the field and threw a garment over him. 13 When he was taken out of the highway, all the people went on after Joab to pursue Sheba the son of Bichri. – 2 Samuel 20:1-13 ESV

David had not yet made it back inside the walls of Jerusalem when another disaster struck. He had just eliminated one rebellion when another one raised its ugly head. The ten disgruntled tribes of Israel, unhappy with what they viewed as David’s favoritism for his own tribe of Judah, decided to throw in their lot with Sheba, a Benjaminite. This “worthless fellow” took advantage of the unstable conditions in Israel and called for another rebellion against David. It is impossible to read this account and not recall the curse God had placed on David as a result of his affair with Bathsheba.

“Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.” – 2 Samuel 12:10 ESV

There was going to be more bloodshed with additional people dying unnecessarily – all as a direct result of David’s sin. Despite having regained his throne, the conditions in David’s kingdom remained unstable and insecure. Even when he finally made it back to Jerusalem, David had to deal with the ten concubines whom Absalom had sexually violated and publicly humiliated. It must be remembered that what happened to them was also tied to David’s adulterous affair with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband. God had warned David that there would be devastating consequences for his actions.

“Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.” – 2 Samuel 12:11-12 ESV

These women, who had been publicly shamed by Absalom, found themselves being treated like social pariahs by David. He would care for them for the rest of their lives but they were forced to remain in a state of perpetual widowhood – all as a result of the sins of David.

The wake of human misery and destroyed lives that David left behind him is unprecedented. He had lost three sons to death. His daughter had been violated by her own brother. Tens of thousands of his own people had been killed in an unnecessary civil war, and the death toll would continue to rise.

When David called for his troops to put down the uprising led by Sheba, he put Amasa in command. It’s important to recall that David had replaced Joab as the commander of his army because he had disobeyed a direct order and killed Absalom. Rather than punish Joab for his blatant act of insubordination, David decided to publicly humiliate him by stripping him of his command. As king, David had the right and authority to execute Joab for his unauthorized execution of Absalom, but David took a much easier and less drastic path. But like so many of his decisions, this one would come back to haunt him.

Joab was a proud man who didn’t take his demotion well. He had served alongside his friend for years and had been instrumental in many of David’s victories. He had helped defeat the forces of Absalom and had purposefully taken the life of David’s son because he knew David would never do so. In Joab’s mind, he had saved the kingdom by doing David’s dirty work.

But Joab, ever the warrior, wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Sensing the ongoing instability of David’s reign, he seized the opportunity to eliminate his competition and regain his former position. Using Sheba’s rebellion as a pretext, Joab came up with a plan to kill Amasa.

Like so many of the stories surrounding David’s life, this one is filled with twists and turns. When it comes to David, nothing ever seems to go smoothly or as expected. With yet another rebellion brewing, David instructs Amasa, his new commander, to seek out Sheba and eliminate the threat to his kingdom. But for some unexplained reason, Amasa goes AWOL, leaving David with no other choice but to place Abishai in charge of his army. This young man was David’s nephew and the brother of Joab, who had served as one of David’s military commanders. Given the task of leading David’s army and putting an end to Sheba’s rebellion, Abishai jumped at the opportunity. But his moment in the spotlight was short-lived because Amasa finally showed up and assumed command of David’s forces. Amasa’s late arrival must have caused confusion among the rank-and-file troops as he and Abishai haggled over who was actually in charge. This unnecessary delay provided Joab with the opportunity he was looking for. In an act of well-disguised treachery, Joab stepped up to Amasa and stabbed him in the stomach with a concealed sword.

As Amasa lay dying in a pool of his own blood, “Joab and Abishai his brother pursued Sheba the son of Bichri” (2 Samuel 20:10 ESV). Seemingly unfazed by his brother’s actions, Abishai allowed Joab to march alongside him as they set out in search of Sheba. But the text makes it clear that Abishai was no longer the one in charge; his brother had assumed command.

…all the people went on after Joab to pursue Sheba the son of Bichri. – 2 Samuel 20:13 ESV

Joab had accomplished his mission; he had eliminated his competition and regained his control of David’s army. Now all he had to do was capture and execute Sheba and he could get back into David’s good graces.

But what Joab didn’t understand was that his actions would one day catch up with him. The day would come when he got what he deserved but it would not be under David’s watch. Once again, just as with the story of Shimei, David will put off doing the right thing. Rather than punishing Joab for his murder of Amasa, he will do nothing. Instead, he will pass the buck and leave Joab’s fate up to his son, Solomon. In the latter years of his reign, when David was preparing to turn over the kingdom to Solomon, he would assign to his son the unpleasant responsibility of cleaning up all his past messes. Solomon would be the one who had to deal with Joab for his murders of Abner, Absalom, and Amasa.

“Do as he has said, strike him down and bury him, and thus take away from me and from my father’s house the guilt for the blood that Joab shed without cause. The Lord will bring back his bloody deeds on his own head, because, without the knowledge of my father David, he attacked and killed with the sword two men more righteous and better than himself, Abner the son of Ner, commander of the army of Israel, and Amasa the son of Jether, commander of the army of Judah. So shall their blood come back on the head of Joab and on the head of his descendants forever. But for David and for his descendants and for his house and for his throne there shall be peace from the Lord forevermore.” – 1 Kings 2:31-33 ESV

David’s refusal to deal with Joab’s actions was the easy way out. He didn’t want to make matters worse than they already were, so he did nothing. But his indecisiveness and inaction didn’t produce peace in Israel; at least not in his day. The body count continued to mount. The violence escalated. And the instability of David’s kingdom would only get worse, not better. David may have been a man after God’s own heart but the state of his kingdom must have grieved the heart of God.

David’s relationship with God did not protect him from failure or inoculate him from the ramifications of sin. The people of God are just as prone to bad decision-making as anyone else. Believers can undervalue the wisdom of God and overlook the sins taking place around them. We can surround ourselves with bad counselors, put off making difficult decisions, give in to impulsive desires, and leave God out of our daily lives. When we do, we find ourselves facing the same kind of unnecessary outcomes that David did.

David loved God and he had a deep-seated desire to serve God. But his desires didn’t always show up in his behavior.  His love for God wasn’t always accompanied by a commitment to obey God. Any hope he had of serving the people of God as the faithful shepherd of God was totally dependent upon his complete reliance upon God.

As believers, we are God’s people living in a godless environment, surrounded by ungodly people who don’t share our views or our love for God. It’s difficult to live as a child of God on this earth, but we make it even more difficult by refusing to rely upon Him. There will always be the temptation to do things our own way and simply assume that our relationship with God will provide us with some kind of invisible force field that protects us from the dangers of sin. But while our salvation delivers us from the judgment of sin, it does not inoculate us from the temptation to sin. That is why Paul so strongly urged his readers to rely upon the Holy Spirit.

So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. – Galatians 5:16-17 NLT

A man after God’s own heart who refuses to let God have full control of his heart will find himself surrounded by discord and difficulty. Our ability to survive and thrive on this planet is dependent upon our commitment to remain totally reliant upon God. David would continue to learn that invaluable lesson. He would discover the reality that being God’s hand-picked king meant nothing if he did not live as a God-dependent man.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

If You Won’t, I Will

1 Then David mustered the men who were with him and set over them commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds. 2 And David sent out the army, one third under the command of Joab, one third under the command of Abishai the son of Zeruiah, Joab’s brother, and one third under the command of Ittai the Gittite. And the king said to the men, “I myself will also go out with you.” 3 But the men said, “You shall not go out. For if we flee, they will not care about us. If half of us die, they will not care about us. But you are worth ten thousand of us. Therefore it is better that you send us help from the city.” 4 The king said to them, “Whatever seems best to you I will do.” So the king stood at the side of the gate, while all the army marched out by hundreds and by thousands. 5 And the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.” And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders about Absalom.

6 So the army went out into the field against Israel, and the battle was fought in the forest of Ephraim. 7 And the men of Israel were defeated there by the servants of David, and the loss there was great on that day, twenty thousand men. 8 The battle spread over the face of all the country, and the forest devoured more people that day than the sword.

9 And Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak, and his head caught fast in the oak, and he was suspended between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on. 10 And a certain man saw it and told Joab, “Behold, I saw Absalom hanging in an oak.” 11 Joab said to the man who told him, “What, you saw him! Why then did you not strike him there to the ground? I would have been glad to give you ten pieces of silver and a belt.” 12 But the man said to Joab, “Even if I felt in my hand the weight of a thousand pieces of silver, I would not reach out my hand against the king’s son, for in our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘For my sake protect the young man Absalom.’ 13 On the other hand, if I had dealt treacherously against his life (and there is nothing hidden from the king), then you yourself would have stood aloof.” 14 Joab said, “I will not waste time like this with you.” And he took three javelins in his hand and thrust them into the heart of Absalom while he was still alive in the oak. 15 And ten young men, Joab’s armor-bearers, surrounded Absalom and struck him and killed him.

16 Then Joab blew the trumpet, and the troops came back from pursuing Israel, for Joab restrained them. 17 And they took Absalom and threw him into a great pit in the forest and raised over him a very great heap of stones. And all Israel fled every one to his own home. 18 Now Absalom in his lifetime had taken and set up for himself the pillar that is in the King’s Valley, for he said, “I have no son to keep my name in remembrance.” He called the pillar after his own name, and it is called Absalom’s monument to this day. – 2 Samuel 18:1-18 ESV

Like a modern-day soap opera, there are so many plots and sub-plots going on in this passage that it is difficult to discern the main point of the story. First, there is the climactic battle between the forces of David and Absalom. Then there is the lopsided outcome to the confrontation with David’s troops easily routing their more numerous adversaries. As the battle raged and the momentum shifted in favor of David’s forces, Absalom attempted to escape the battlefield, only to find himself hanging from a tree with his long, luxurious hair caught in its branches. In a sense, the ego-driven mastermind of the entire coup attempt was ensnared by his own vanity and pride.

Now Absalom was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel. He was flawless from head to foot. He cut his hair only once a year, and then only because it was so heavy. When he weighed it out, it came to five pounds! – 2 Samuel 14:25-26 NLT

The handsome son of the king had paved his path to the throne by flaunting his good looks, power, and influence.

Absalom bought a chariot and horses, and he hired fifty bodyguards to run ahead of him. He got up early every morning and went out to the gate of the city. – 2 Samuel 15:1-2 NLT

This young man proved to be a crafty politician who used his father’s immense wealth to underwrite his carefully crafted PR campaign. Blessed with good looks, a sharp mind, and a long-pent-up disdain for his father, Absalom “stole the hearts of all the people of Israel” (2 Samuel 15:6 NLT).

But now, as he hung helplessly in a tree, Absalom would meet his fate. In a strange and rather serendipitous sequence of events, Joab, David’s chief military commander, happens upon the hapless Absalom. In direct violation of David’s orders, Joab violently executes Absalom, providing what would appear to be a well-justified punishment for his rebellion. If this was a scene from an action movie, the audience would cheer at the sight of the bad guy getting exactly what he deserved.

But this brings up another intriguing subplot and raises a host of questions. Why was David, yet again, unwilling to enact justice against a rebellious son? What possessed him to order his troops to protect the life of the man who had slandered his name and stolen his throne? When David gave the order, “For my sake, deal gently with young Absalom” (2 Samuel 18:5 NLT), he left his men confused and conflicted. His command reflects his long-held unwillingness to deal with problems decisively and effectively. This is the same man who had failed to punish Amnon for his rape of Tamar. He also refused to avenge Amnon’s murder by bringing Absalom to justice. David’s ongoing pattern of passivity and indecisiveness eventually caused Absalom to lose respect for him, resulting in the overthrow of his kingdom.

But in the end, Absalom got what he deserved. Joab did what needed to be done but, to do so, he had to violate the orders of his commander-in-chief. Joab seemed to have known that if he obeyed David’s command, Absalom would be spared and the threat to the kingdom would remain undeterred. So, he took matters into his own hands, which would result in a major rift between him and David.

Finally, this story contains an interesting side note that tells of Absalom having erected a monument to himself. That disclosure is unsurprising because there is ample evidence of Absalom’s pride throughout the narrative. But what is significant is Absalom’s stated reason for this act of seeming self-aggrandizement.

“I have no son to carry on my name.” – 2 Samuel 18:18 NLT

How could that be? According to 2 Samuel 14:27, Absalom had three sons and a daughter. What would possess him to declare that he had no son to carry on his name? Perhaps his sons had refused to follow in their father’s footsteps. There is the possibility that they had all died, or it could be that Absalom had erected the monument before his sons had been born. Whatever the case, Absalom left a lasting memorial to himself by erecting a monument that bore his own name.

When it comes to the life of David, nothing ever seems to be tidy and neat. He has a unique capacity to complicate even the most simple of scenarios. This scene is reminiscent of so many others in David’s life. It is so rife with complications and conflicts that is difficult to keep up with what is going on. The battle between David’s forces and those of Absalom, as significant as it was, is nothing compared to all the mini-conflicts taking place behind the scenes. David had specifically commanded that Absalom be spared. Yet Joab, the commander of his army and the one who had convinced David to allow Absalom to return to Jerusalem in the first place (2 Samuel 14) would disobey those orders.

Easily overlooked in all of this is the fact that more than 20,000 Israelites lost their lives that day. This had been a civil war, an internecine conflict between brothers. David lost a son, but as a result of his failure to deal with Absalom’s original sin against Amnon, David caused many Israelites to lose their fathers, sons, and brothers. There would be 20,000 other graves dug that day. There would be countless mothers, fathers, wives, brothers, and sisters, mourning the loss of a loved one. And all of this can be traced back to David’s sin with Bathsheba. Absalom would be the third son that David lost as a result of his moral indiscretion.

In Psalm 63, written while David was hiding in the wilderness, he penned the following words:

But those plotting to destroy me will come to ruin.
    They will go down into the depths of the earth.
They will die by the sword
    and become the food of jackals.
But the king will rejoice in God.
    All who swear to tell the truth will praise him,
    while liars will be silenced. – Psalm 63:9-11 NLT

David believed in the vengeance of God, but it seems he had a hard time seeing it apply to his own son. His command to spare the life of Absalom does not reflect well on his leadership. But it does speak of his regret and recognition that all of this was his own fault. He remained reticent to punish Absalom. But his unwillingness to deal with the rebellion of Absalom would have set a dangerous precedence. He needed to reestablish his authority by demonstrating his willingness to punish all those who had dared to oppose him, including his own son.

But it took Joab’s disobedience to bring Absalom to justice. He did what David had refused to do. Joab was forced to go against the king’s wishes and risk the consequences, but he did the right thing. The rebellion was put to an end and its leader was eliminated. As a result, David’s reign over Israel was restored. But it should not be overlooked that David played no part in any of it. On Joab’s advice, David remained out of the conflict, safe and sound and free from any danger. Perhaps Joab had known that had David gone into battle, he would have spared the life of Absalom. So he recommended that David stay behind and David had readily agreed.

With all the twists and turns of this story, it would be easy to miss the sovereign hand of God in all that takes place. The events recorded in these verses are an expression of His divine will concerning Absalom and David. From God’s perspective, Absalom was a usurper of the throne; he had no right to claim the kingship of Israel. David was still the Lord’s anointed. Every phase of this convoluted story was part of God’s plan to deal with Absalom’s sin against Amnon. David may have been willing to overlook and forget what Absalom had done, but God was not. The rebellion of Absalom should have served as a wake-up call to David, demonstrating the danger of turning a blind eye toward sin. Absalom’s rebellion, while apparently successful, was destined to be short-lived, because it did not have God’s backing. It was simply a means by which God would repay Absalom while teaching David yet another vital lesson in justice.

As the story continues to unfold in the following chapters, we will see David weeping over the loss of Absalom. But we will not see him shed a single tear for the unnecessary loss of life that came as a result of Absalom’s rebellion. There will be no mention of the 10 concubines violated by Absalom on the palace rooftop. David will return to power but he will find himself ruling over a fractured and divided nation. His continual mourning over the loss of his son will send a confusing message to all those who fought on his behalf and helped restore him to power.

Absalom was dead, but the difficulties were far from over. David had his work cut out for him and, once again, it would take Joab to help David do the right thing. God would use this faithful friend to speak truth into David’s life, convicting and convincing him to do what God would have him do.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

You Can’t Judge a Book By Its Cover

25 Now in all Israel there was no one so much to be praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. 26 And when he cut the hair of his head (for at the end of every year he used to cut it; when it was heavy on him, he cut it), he weighed the hair of his head, two hundred shekels by the king's weight.’ 27 There were born to Absalom three sons, and one daughter whose name was Tamar. She was a beautiful woman.

28 So Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, without coming into the king’s presence. 29 Then Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but Joab would not come to him. And he sent a second time, but Joab would not come. 30 Then he said to his servants, “See, Joab’s field is next to mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire.” So Absalom’s servants set the field on fire. 31 Then Joab arose and went to Absalom at his house and said to him, “Why have your servants set my field on fire?” 32 Absalom answered Joab, “Behold, I sent word to you, ‘Come here, that I may send you to the king, to ask, “Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me to be there still.” Now therefore let me go into the presence of the king, and if there is guilt in me, let him put me to death.’” 33 Then Joab went to the king and told him, and he summoned Absalom. So he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king, and the king kissed Absalom. – 2 Samuel 14:25-33 ESV

David had agreed to Absalom’s return to Jerusalem but had essentially placed him under house arrest and refused to see him. After a three-year absence from the kingdom, Absalom found himself persona non grata, ignored by his own father, and left to wonder why he had agreed to come home at all. Another two years passed, with Absalom confined to his home and David continuing his pattern of avoidance and inaction. He not only refused to meet his son face to face, but he also rejected his legal responsibility as king to administer justice for his son’s crime. Even Absalom would become frustrated by his father’s lack of moral courage and propensity for passivity. For him, this waiting game had become a matter of life or death. He woke up every morning wondering whether he would remain a prisoner in his own home or face execution for a crime he had committed five years earlier. His fate was in his father’s hands and, with each passing day, he became increasingly more frustrated with his untenable situation.

But what makes this section of chapter 14 so interesting is its rather odd emphasis on Absalom’s physical appearance. According to verses 25-27, Absalom had a reputation for his good looks and “was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel” (2 Samuel 14:25 NLT). He may have been a murderer, but he was easy on the eyes. Even while under house arrest, this handsome and somewhat roguish son of the king had become a celebrity. From the soles of his feet to the top of his head crowned with thick luxurious hair, Absalom gave all the appearances of a king-in-waiting. This flattering description of Absalom may seem a bit odd and out of place, but it is intended to set the stage for all that is about to happen. It is eerily reminiscent of the description given of another young man who would become Israel’s first king and David’s predecessor.

There was a wealthy, influential man named Kish from the tribe of Benjamin. He was the son of Abiel, son of Zeror, son of Becorath, son of Aphiah, of the tribe of Benjamin. His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel—head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land. – 1 Samuel 9:1-2 NLT

In both cases, the text’s emphasis on outer appearances is intended to make a point. When the good-looking Saul turned out to be a far-from-great king, God determined to replace him with a man after His own heart. He sent His prophet Samuel to the home of a man named Jesse with strict instructions to find and anoint the next king of Israel. When Samuel set his eyes on the eldest son of Jesse, he immediately concluded, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!” (1 Samuel 16:6 NLT). But God had other plans and gave the prophet an important lesson in leadership recruitment.

“Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7 NLT

Jesse would end up parading each of his sons before Samuel, in the hopes that one would catch the prophet’s attention. But it would not be until the youngest son David appeared that Samuel would hear the Lord say, “This is the one; anoint him” (1 Samuel 16:12 NLT). David would be anointed as the God-appointed replacement for the taller and better-looking Saul. The runt of the litter would become God’s choice to serve as the next king of Israel.

Now, years later, David’s good-looking son Absalom appears on the scene; another handsome, head-turning specimen of a man who would end up capturing the hearts of the people and threatening his father’s reign. But for that to happen, Absalom had to force his father’s hand. He refused to put up with his father’s inaction, choosing instead to face the prospect of execution rather than one more day of imprisonment.

During his two years of house arrest, Absalom’s resentment of his father only increased in intensity. He had plenty of time to recall David’s unwillingness to take action against Amnon for raping his sister. David’s inaction had led Absalom to take matters into his own hands. Now, two years later, Absalom found himself enduring the consequences of his father’s inaction yet again. Whatever respect he once held for his father was gone. He viewed David as a man of weakness, plagued by indecisiveness.

It would be centuries later that the apostle Paul would write:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 NLT

David could have used this simple, yet profound advice. The Greek word Paul used is parorgizō and it is translated as “provoke to anger”. But it can also mean “to exasperate.” To provoke someone to anger sounds like it refers to a deliberate attempt to purposefully annoy or to rouse anger in another individual. While that most certainly can be true in many cases, we can also create anger in another human being by doing nothing. We can frustrate them by our lack of initiative or a general display of apathy. David was provoking in Absalom an anger and resentment that was fed by his father’s lack of leadership. He was slowly beginning to view David as weak and incapable of leading decisively. Absalom viewed his father as incompetent to lead his own family, and would soon reach the conclusion that he was also unqualified to lead the nation of Israel.

Absalom’s growing anger and frustration are on full display in how he handles Joab’s refusal to answer his repeated requests for an audience with the king. Like his boss, Joab did nothing. Finally, Absalom snapped, taking matters into his own hands and commanding his servants to set fire to Joab’s barley crops. While arguably a bit over the top, Absalom’s ploy worked and revealed his growing exasperation with the whole situation. He had waited two years and simply wanted something to be done. He even told Joab, “I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if he finds me guilty of anything, then let him kill me” (2 Samuel 14:32 NLT).

Absalom would rather face death than have to live in limbo, confined to his home. But there is almost an underlying sense that Absalom knew David would do nothing. He seems to have known that his father would never sentence him to death for his murder of Amnon. So he was willing to force David’s hand, confident that his father would act true to form and take no action. Which is exactly what happened. Joab went to David and convinced him to see Absalom, which David did. From all appearances, it seems that David pardoned Absalom, kissing his son, and restoring him to his former state. Absalom got what he wanted, but he would not be satisfied. During his five years of exile, he had plenty of time to consider his future and plan his next moves. This would prove to be just the first step in his plan to take advantage of what he perceived as his father’s leadership flaws.

Absalom was not only “flawless from head to foot” (2 Samuel 14:25 NLT), but he was also clever. He was a natural-born leader, who possessed the good looks, charisma, charm, and powers of persuasion that would make any politician jealous. Now that he was out from under any threat of punishment for his murder of Amnon, Absalom was going to use his good looks and natural leadership skills to plan his future, which would include his father’s downfall.

It’s interesting to note that Paul gave another warning to fathers in his letter to the Colossians. He writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” (Colossians 3:21 NASB). David had frustrated his son by doing nothing to bring justice to the cause of Tamar. After his daughter had suffered the indignity of being raped by her half-brother, David allowed her to remain in a state of mourning and did nothing to avenge her. He avoided his responsibilities as a father and ignored the expressed will of God as found in the Mosaic Law.

If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days. – Deuteronomy 22:28-29 ESV

According to the law, David should have forced Amnon to marry Tamar, and forbidden him from ever divorcing her. No longer a virgin, Tamar was left in a state where she would have been considered “damaged goods” by the men in her community. Her value as a potential wife had been irreparably damaged. All along the way, David’s indecisiveness left a wake of disaster and damaged lives. His inaction allowed Amnon to go unpunished and left Tamar a humiliated and unwanted woman. His unwillingness to do the right thing had only resulted in a host of wrong outcomes. Absalom had killed Amnon and then spent three years in exile. Even when he was allowed to return home, Absalom found himself in a frustrating limbo, trapped by his father’s unwillingness to perform his parental role and his duties as a king. All of this was going to lead to further resentment on Absalom’s part that would ultimately surface as rebellion.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.