Tough Love.

2 Corinthians 2:1-13

I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn't want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you. – 2 Corinthians 2:4 NLT

Paul's love for the Corinthians believer was like that of a father for his children. He was proud of them and felt a strong responsibility for their welfare. He worried about their spiritual health and was concerned for survival in the high-pressure context of a pagan city like Corinth. So Paul wrote them words of encouragement and instruction, as he did in 1st Corinthians. But there were times when he had to take a harsher, sterner tone, in order to deal with actions and attitudes that were dangerous and un-Christlike. Paul loved the believers in Corinth enough to say things that caused them sorrow – for the time being. He evidently wrote a second letter, which commentators refer to as "the sorrowful letter," which has been lost. Paul refers to it in verse 3: "That is why I wrote you as I did, so that when I do come, I won't be grieved by the very ones who ought to give me the greatest joy." He had written them a letter containing some strong words and loving admonitions. He had written that letter "in great anguish."  It had been accompanied by "a troubled heart and many tears." Paul loved them very much, but he loved them enough to say things they needed to hear, but that were hard to listen to. His words were written in love, not anger. They were expressed out of heartfelt concern, not pride or arrogance. But his words hurt all the same. And he knew it.

Paul had a reason behind his words. They were not written flippantly or thoughtlessly. "I wrote to you as I did to test you and see if you would fully comply with my instructions" (2 Corinthians 2:9 NLT). It was vitally important to Paul that they accept him for who he was – an emissary of Jesus Christ, a God-sent messenger of the gospel and a legitimate apostle of the Church. He wasn't on some kind of an ego trip, but was simply trying to get them to understand that he spoke on behalf of and with the complete authority of God Himself. It was essential that they listen to and obey what he said. He was not just sharing his opinions, but the word of God and the message of Jesus Christ. Paul was dealing with some specific issues going on in the church in Corinth. There was a situation that involved a member of the congregation that had caused a great deal of division and strife in the church. It may have been the man Paul dealt with in 1st Corinthians who had had an immoral relationship with his step-mother. It could have been someone who had personally insulted Paul by speaking against him and leading the church into accepting false teaching. But whoever the man was, he had been opposed by the church, punished for his sin, and now it was time to reconcile and restore the relationship. Paul urged them "to reaffirm your love for him" (2 Corinthians 2:8 NLT). He wanted them to extend grace, love and mercy to this man and restore him to the fellowship. Paul knew that Satan would love nothing more than to divide the church from within. He knew that the enemy would be far more successful destroying the cause of Christ if he could cause division and disunity among believers. External pressure tends to solidify and strengthen the church. But internal strife causes cracks and chasms to weaken the spiritual infrastructure of the church, diminishing its power and effectiveness.

Paul loved the cause of Christ too much to allow that to happen. He was not going to stand idly by and watch the Corinthian believers self-destruct. So he said what needed to be said. He spoke the truth, but always with love. When he spoke, he shared God's will, not his own. He was not driven by ego or self-preservation, but out of love for the Kingdom of God and the spread of the gospel message around the world. He knew that the greatest barrier to the gospel's expansion was a weakened church. Compromise, complacency, disharmony and disunity among God's people would be deadly to the cause of Christ. Unforgiveness, hatred, resentment, jealousy, pride, self-centeredness, and injustice had no place among God's people. And when Paul saw these things, he spoke against them. Paul had told them what God expected of them. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT).

Paul loved the believers in Corinth. He loved them enough to speak truth. He loved them enough to cause them sorrow, if only for the moment. Because he knew that exposing their sin was essential if they were to grow. Later on, in his letter to the believers in Ephesus, Paul would write, "Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church" (Ephesians 4:15 NLT). Love is honest. It does not lie or tolerate falsehood. Love doesn't overlook sin, but confronts it. Love doesn't minimize unrighteousness, but exposes it. Love can hurt, but love never fails.

Father, help me learn to love like Paul did. Show me how to speak truth, Your truth, in such a way that it results in conviction and produces righteousness in the lives of others. Show me how to say what needs to be said, but always in love, not out of pride, arrogance or ever with a heart filled with hatred. Amen.

Words Cut Like A Knife.

Proverbs 12

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” ­– Proverbs 12:18 NLT

For years I have joked that I have the spiritual gift of sarcasm. Yes, it's a lame joke and really bad theology. But I don't mean any harm by it. It's just a silly way of admitting that I sometimes struggle with sarcasm and would love to find a way to justify its existence in my life. I have often thought that the apostle Paul had the same gift, but he also had wisdom and tact. If he used sarcasm at all, it was always in an attempt to convey truth and bring about heart change in the people to whom he was speaking. The verse above juxtaposes the cutting, sarcastic words of some with the healing words of the wise person. They are cutting because they're thoughtless. They are spoken rashly and recklessly, without any consideration as to their ultimate impact. The use of sarcasm is rarely, if ever, for constructive purposes. It is meant to tear down, not build up. While it may be disguised as humor, it is usually tainted with a hint of animosity. But the words of the wise are used for healing. They are intended to build up, restore, refresh and encourage. This does not mean that the wise person never says anything that is difficult to hear or hard to accept. In the very next verse, we read, "Truthful words stand the test of time." The key is "truthful." We must speak truth to one another, lovingly and boldly. Speaking the truth can sometimes be painful. Words that heal can be words that expose sin, refute lies, demand change, and confront hypocrisy in our lives. Our goal is healing. Our intentions are for good, not evil. We are not attempting to tear someone else down in order to build ourselves up.

What do wise words look like?

• They’re timely

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time! – Proverbs 15:23 NLT

Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. – Proverbs 25:11 NLT

• They’re encouraging and enjoyable

Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. – Proverbs 16:24 NLT

The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive. – Proverbs 16:21 NLT

Gentle words are a tree of life… – Proverbs 15:4 NLT

• They find the good in others

Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth – a stranger, not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:2 NLT

It’s not good to eat too much honey, and it’s not good to seek honors for yourself. – Proverbs 25:27 NLT

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. – Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

• They’re sometimes reproving

To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. – Proverbs 25:12 NLT

In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery. – Proverbs 28:23 NLT

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live…Get rid of all bitterness, anger, harsh words, and rage, slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. –  Ephesians 4:29-32 NLT

Father, our words carry a lot of weight and can make a huge impact on the lives of others. Help me to listen more and talk less. Give me the wisdom to think before I speak and when I do speak, to consider my words carefully.  Amen.

Be Wary of Words.

Proverbs 26

“Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty blaze covers a clay pot.” – Proverbs 26:23 NLT

It is amazing how much the Book of Proverbs has to say about the topic of what comes out of our mouths. From flattery to lying, gossip to arguing, and rumors to wise words, there are countless passages dealing with the topic of the tongue. Much of the time it is warning us about watching what we say. It is challenging us to keep a close eye on our tongue and the words that we speak. But as in the case of today's verse, it also warns us to be wary of the words others speak to us. It is amazing just how susceptible we all are to the words of others. As human beings, we can be so desperate for praise that we become easy prey for those who have less-than-righteous objectives. That is why flattery and false praise can be so dangerous and we can so easily taken in by it all.

Solomon warns us to look beyond the words themselves to the heart of the one speaking. Words can be used to hide true motives, disguise intent, and distract the hearer by telling them what they want to hear. Like colorful glaze used to cover a drab clay pot, smooth-sounding words may be just a cover up to dress up what's really there. Solomon gives us an everyday life example. "People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they're deceiving you" (Proverbs 26:24 NLT). These kind of people know full well what they're doing. They're hiding from you what is really in their hearts and attempting to make you think that all is well. This can happen between a husband and wife, a parent and child, two friends or two fellow believers. "They pretend to be kind, but don't believe them," Solomon warns (Proverbs 26:25 NLT). The real danger is that because we can be so susceptible to smooth words, we can actually soak in what they're saying like a dry sponge. We so want to hear words of praise and flattery, that we can fail to consider the source or think about the intent. Solomon makes it clear that he is talking about those who have wicked hearts that are filled with evil. He is warning us against people who have a reputation for hatred and wrongdoing. And yet, we can find ourselves actually buying into their lies because we so want to hear what they have to say to us. We can be so desirous of kind words, that we will take them from just about any source. But Solomon warns, "Don't believe them!" They're lying. They don't believe what they're saying and you shouldn't either. Consider the source. Think carefully about the heart of the one praising you. "A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin" (Proverbs 26:28 NLT). Do not allow your need for praise to numb you to the truth. Don't listen to the Siren's call.

In Greek mythology, the Sirens were portrayed as dangerous and devious creatures, who usually took the form of beautiful women in distress and lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices. Casting caution to the wind and falling prey to the flattering cry of the Sirens, these seasoned sailors would steer their ships directly into the rocks along the coastline, resulting in their own death. Remember, "They pretend to be kind, but don't believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils" (Proverbs 26:25 NLT). The wisdom of God gives discernment. It opens our eyes to the truth. Without it, we will listen to the smooth words and deceived by the glossy veneer. To our own detriment.

Father, words are powerful. They can lull us into a sense of stupor and self-satisfaction. We are all so easily deceived by the words of others. Give us the wisdom to hear what is really being said. May our desire for You be greater than our desire for flattery and false praise. May we find our worth in You so we are less prone to seek our worth in the words of others. Amen.