Submission Is Not A Dirty Word.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. – Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV Submit is not a four-letter word. But in our culture and context, it has become a dirty word, conjuring images of slave-like subjugation and subservience. These two verses strike fear into the hearts of many pastors and insight anger among women. This passage is viewed as old-fashioned, a throw-back to some cultural context that has no bearing on our more sophisticated modern milieu. Many conclude that Paul was writing to a people trapped in an antiquated social structure that doesn't apply to us as modern Christians. Either that, or he was just misogynist, trying to keep women in their “proper” place.

But what most of us fail to realize is that submission is a non-negotiable requirement of every believer in Christ. These two verses, like so many others in Scripture, are typically lifted from their context and treated in isolation. But Paul has been talking about how believers were to live their lives – how they were to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1 ESV). They were to live differently than those who were unsaved. Their behavior was to set them apart as children of God. They were to walk in love, as children of light, exhibiting the wisdom of God, not the foolishness of the world.

The verses that often get overlooked when dealing with this passage are located right before it. In them, Paul gives an admonition to every single believer – male and female.

…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:18-21 ESV

Submission is expected of each and every follower of Christ. A lifestyle of submission is one of humility and honor, not subservience and servitude. When done properly it reveres Christ, because it models the very lifestyle that He lived. Jesus Himself described His mission in terms of submission and a servant-like attitude. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28 NLT). The apostle Paul told the believers in Corinth:

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. – Philippians 2:5-7 NLT

This had nothing to do with Jesus’ rights. He was the Son of God. He was divine and powerful. He had created the world and all those who lived in it. Yet, He was willing to submit to His Father’s will and set aside His divine privileges and prerogatives in order to serve mankind by giving His life. In the upper room, on the night that Jesus was to be betrayed and arrested, He washed the feet of His disciples. He set aside His robe, wrapped himself in a towel and did what none of the others would have dared to do. Jesus told His disciples, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand” (John 13:7 ESV). When He had finished, Jesus said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:12-17 ESV).

Jesus’ act of submission was meant to be a living lesson to the disciples about what their lives were to be like in the days to come. They were to serve one another. They were to submit to one another. Titles were not to stand in the way. Rights were to be set aside. Status was to be ignored. Submission was to be a key characteristic of their lives. And what the disciples did not yet understand was the foot washing by Jesus was simply a symbol of His ultimate act of service that would take place on the cross just a short time later.

When James and John, two of Jesus’ disciples came to Him and arrogantly asked if they could have positions of prominence in His coming Kingdom, the rest of the disciples became angry and jealous. Jesus responded, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-45 ESV). Among you it will be different. In His Kingdom, sovereignty was marked by slavery. Honor was achieved through humility.

So what does all this have to do with wives? In this chapter, Paul is going to use a number of earthly relationships to illustrate Christian submission. He will talk about husbands and wives, children and parents, and slaves and masters. As believers, we do not operate in a vacuum. We are not independent agents, acting on our own and focused solely on our individual walk with God. We live in the context of community. Wives have husbands. It is in that context that they are to practices submission. Notice that Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands.” He does NOT say that all women are to submit to ALL men. This has nothing to do with the value or significance of women in general. It has everything to do with the context of marriage. What more difficult place to practice submission than in a marriage. Just as the disciples would never have lowered themselves to wash the feet of one another, wives will find it difficult to submit to their husbands. Especially if their husbands fail to love as Paul commands. Yet submission is not optional. It is a willing coming under the other, making them more important than yourself. It is NOT an admission of their superiority, but a recognition of God’s divine order. He has made the husband the head of the household, not because He is smarter, more spiritual or even better equipped to lead, but in order that there might be order in the home. He holds the husband responsible. Just as He held Adam to a higher standard than He did Eve when it came to their mutual sin against Him.

Submission is essential to every relationship in which we find ourselves as Christians. And submission is one of the hardest things for us to do. We long to be first. We see ourselves as somehow better than others. We long to be in control. But when we submit to others, we are really submitting to God. We are coming under His divine authority and recognizing His righteous order for His creation. At the end of the day, submission is about trusting God. It involves a realization that He is in control and that He has authority over the husband. A believing wife must submit to her husband “as to the Lord.” She is trusting God to lead him and protect her. But the temptation will be to step in and take over, stepping out from under God’s ordained plan. Submission will not always make sense. It will not always appear to work. It may even be uncomfortable at times. But even Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death, offering Himself as a ransom for many. Submission is not a dirty word. It is a way of life for the believer.

Strong Words About the Weak.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7 ESV We might as deal with the most challenging part of this verse first. What does Peter mean when he refers to women as “the weaker vessel”? He most certainly was not inferring that women are somehow inferior to men. While that was the common societal perspective of his day, Peter, like Jesus, held women in high esteem and as the spiritual equals of men. While he believed in and adhered to God’s created order that the man was to be the head of his household, women were in no way subservient. So what should we make of his point that women are somehow weaker than men? What is he trying to say? The easy and most obvious answer would be that women are, in most cases, physically weaker than men. No, this is not always true, but it is usually an accepted fact that men are physically stronger than women. It could also be referring to the more sensitive nature of a woman’s emotional makeup. Women tend to be exhibit the characteristics of compassion, tenderness, love, kindness, mercy and care. This is not to say that men do not share these traits, but they are more commonly associated with women. Peter could have simply been encouraging the men to whom he was writing to know their wives well and to be sensitive to their physical, spiritual and emotional makeups. One way in which we could view Peter's words are to see the wife as fine china, weaker in the sense of fragility and value. They are to be treated with tenderness and care. They are to be seen as irreplaceable and priceless.

He told them to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” The literal translation of the phrase Peter uses could be “according to knowledge.” Not only should a husband know his wife well, but he should know how God would have him express love to his wife. He is to honor her based on what he knows about her. And he is to see her as his partner in life, his heir of the grace of life.

It was God’s idea to put man and woman together as husband and wife. Together they complement and complete one another. They each have God-given roles and responsibilities and each is to honor and respect the other. The husband is to see his wife as his partner in life, and that would include in his spiritual life. In the culture in which Peter lived, women were expected to accept the religion of their husbands, without any say or input into the matter. They had no rights regarding the matter. So perhaps Peter is addressing husbands whose wives were not believers. This would seem to fit in with his address to the wives who had husbands who were not yet believers. It was obviously common for men and women to come to faith in Christ while their spouses remained unsaved. So it could be that when Peter addresses wives as “the weaker vessel,” he is either referring to non-believing wives or wives who are less mature in their faith. In his letter to the Romans, Paul addressed this very issue and used similar language. He wrote, “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions” (Romans 14:1 ESV). He then went on to deal with situations within the church involving gray areas or personal convictions. There were those in the church who felt it was wrong to eat certain kinds of foods. They were bringing their convictions from their former religions or lifestyles into the fellowship, without realizing that there were no such restrictions within Christianity. Others in the fellowship, who knew that these convictions were baseless were guilty of looking down on their “weaker” brothers, flaunting their rights and freedoms in their faces. Paul called them on the carpet for this, admonishing them to give up their rights for the sake of their weaker brothers.

So it could be that Peter is making a similar point. He just might be addressing believing husbands whose wives are immature in their faith. Peter could have been encouraging husbands to treat their wives with deference and honor, knowing that their faith was less developed. Whatever the case, Paul’s admonishment to the believers in Rome still applies: “For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's” (Romans 14:7-8 ESV). There is a selflessness that is to characterize the life of a believer, and that is especially true within the marriage context. The husband and wife are to treat one another with honor and respect. They are to understand that their relationship is God-ordained and that together they share in the grace of life.

Peter concludes his remarks to husbands with an interesting word of warning concerning unanswered prayer. He seems to indicate that if a husband does not live with his wife in an understanding way, showing her honor and treating her with respect, his prayers will go unanswered. This shows how important this matter is to God. To mistreat, undervalue or dishonor one’s wife is sin. Sin hampers and hinders our relationship with God. A believing husband who does not place the proper value on his wife cannot expect to be heard by God. When God looks at a marriage, He sees the two as one. He holds them both accountable. There was no doubt that those who came to faith in Peter’s day were faced with all kinds of difficulties in the form of trials, temptations and even persecution. But there would also have been potential conflict within the home. Christianity was bringing with it a certain degree of conflict, even between parents and children, husbands and wives. So Peter called men to love their wives, whether believing or lost, in a way that would please God and keep the channels of communication open between themselves and their heavenly Father.