encouraging words

Bildad the Insufferable Bully

1 Then Bildad the Shuhite answered and said:

2 “How long will you hunt for words?
    Consider, and then we will speak.
3 Why are we counted as cattle?
    Why are we stupid in your sight?
4 You who tear yourself in your anger,
    shall the earth be forsaken for you,
    or the rock be removed out of its place?

5 “Indeed, the light of the wicked is put out,
    and the flame of his fire does not shine.
6 The light is dark in his tent,
    and his lamp above him is put out.
7 His strong steps are shortened,
    and his own schemes throw him down.
8 For he is cast into a net by his own feet,
    and he walks on its mesh.
9 A trap seizes him by the heel;
    a snare lays hold of him.
10 A rope is hidden for him in the ground,
    a trap for him in the path.
11 Terrors frighten him on every side,
    and chase him at his heels.
12 His strength is famished,
    and calamity is ready for his stumbling.
13 It consumes the parts of his skin;
    the firstborn of death consumes his limbs.
14 He is torn from the tent in which he trusted
    and is brought to the king of terrors.
15 In his tent dwells that which is none of his;
    sulfur is scattered over his habitation.
16 His roots dry up beneath,
    and his branches wither above.
17 His memory perishes from the earth,
    and he has no name in the street.
18 He is thrust from light into darkness,
    and driven out of the world.
19 He has no posterity or progeny among his people,
    and no survivor where he used to live.
20 They of the west are appalled at his day,
    and horror seizes them of the east.
21 Surely such are the dwellings of the unrighteous,
    such is the place of him who knows not God.” – Job 18:1-21 ESV

In Bildad’s second speech to Job, one can sense his growing frustration and disdain for his “patient.” He is put out by Job’s persistent claims of innocence and more than a bit offended that his ungrateful friend refuses to recognize the wisdom of his words. So, Bildad resorts to name-calling and sarcasm. He turns into the neighborhood bully who picks on the one kid who can’t effectively defend himself.

First, he attacks Job’s verbosity, accusing him of being a pompous blowhard who seems to think that he can talk his way out of his dilemma.

“How long before you stop talking?
    Speak sense if you want us to answer!
Do you think we are mere animals?
    Do you think we are stupid?” – Job 18:2-3 NLT

Bildad finds Job’s little monologues to be nothing more than “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” He isn’t buying what Job is selling and is, frankly, fed up with having to listen to Job’s incessant claims of victimhood. In a highly unsympathetic tone, Bildad tells Job that his displays of self-righteous anger are a total waste of time.

“You may tear out your hair in anger,
    but will that destroy the earth?
    Will it make the rocks tremble?” – Job 18:4 NLT

Throwing a fit and putting on a show of mock mourning isn’t going to change anything. Job is wasting his time and his breath because Bildad and his companions remain stubbornly convinced that Job is guilty as charged. In fact, Bildad pulls no punches, clearly labeling Job as a wicked man who is getting exactly what he deserves.

“Surely the light of the wicked will be snuffed out.
    The sparks of their fire will not glow.
The light in their tent will grow dark.
    The lamp hanging above them will be quenched.
The confident stride of the wicked will be shortened.
    Their own schemes will be their downfall.” – Job 18:5-7 NLT

Throughout this relatively short speech, Bildad repeatedly associates Job with the wicked. There is nothing subtle about his insinuation and his words must have cut deep into Job’s psyche. How could a man whom Job considered to be a close friend end up being so brutally cruel and heartless? Bildad provides Job with no hope but, instead, he presents his friend with a bleak picture of further suffering that will end in Job’s demise. Unwilling to declare Job’s wickedness to his face, Bildad takes the more tactful but no less hurtful course. He simply infers Job’s guilt by referring to “the wicked,” and he makes it clear that “those people” always end up getting what they deserve.

“All memory of their existence will fade from the earth;
    no one will remember their names.” – Job 18:17 NLT

Job had lost everything but his mind. He could still understand what Bildad was saying and it must have cut like a knife. Bildad’s words were as subtle as a brick to the forehead. He practically describes Job’s personal plight word for word, in a less-than-compassionate attempt to prove just how wicked Job is.

“Terrors surround the wicked
    and trouble them at every step.
Hunger depletes their strength,
    and calamity waits for them to stumble.
Disease eats their skin;
    death devours their limbs.
They are torn from the security of their homes
    and are brought down to the king of terrors.
The homes of the wicked will burn down;
    burning sulfur rains on their houses.” – Job 18:11-15 NLT 

Virtually every one of these things had happened to Job and Bildad was using them as evidence of the fate awaiting “the wicked.” In Bildad’s estimation, Job was living proof that the wicked always get what they deserve. Job’s litany of losses gave ample testimony to his life of unrighteousness; they were the just judgments of a holy God on an unholy man.

And in an almost demonic display of insensitivity, Bildad claims that any lingering hope that Job may have of leaving a legacy is nothing more than wishful thinking.

“They [the wicked] will be thrust from light into darkness,
    driven from the world.
They will have neither children nor grandchildren,
    nor any survivor in the place where they lived.” – Job 18:18-19 NLT

If anyone is wicked, it’s Bildad. He displays an inordinate amount of disdain for his friend, using his words to wound rather than to heal. He shows no desire to lift up his brother with words of encouragement. His speech is destructive rather than instructive. His callous conclusions are meant to defend himself rather than Job, and the longer he talks, the more damage he does.

Bildad finally runs out of things to say, but he makes sure to end his speech with a knock-out punch. He tells Job that, one day, long after Job is gone, people will come by the ruins of his former home and say, “This was the home of a wicked person, the place of one who rejected God” (Job 18:21 NLT).

According to Bildad, Job will leave a legacy, but it will not be the one he had hoped for. There will be no memories of Job’s blamelessness. There will be no heirs to carry on his good name. All that will be left to memorialize Job will be the remnants of his destroyed life. These are the words that Bildad leaves ringing in the ears of his suffering friend. And with friends like this, who needs enemies?

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Words Cut Like A Knife.

Proverbs 12

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” ­– Proverbs 12:18 NLT

For years I have joked that I have the spiritual gift of sarcasm. Yes, it's a lame joke and really bad theology. But I don't mean any harm by it. It's just a silly way of admitting that I sometimes struggle with sarcasm and would love to find a way to justify its existence in my life. I have often thought that the apostle Paul had the same gift, but he also had wisdom and tact. If he used sarcasm at all, it was always in an attempt to convey truth and bring about heart change in the people to whom he was speaking. The verse above juxtaposes the cutting, sarcastic words of some with the healing words of the wise person. They are cutting because they're thoughtless. They are spoken rashly and recklessly, without any consideration as to their ultimate impact. The use of sarcasm is rarely, if ever, for constructive purposes. It is meant to tear down, not build up. While it may be disguised as humor, it is usually tainted with a hint of animosity. But the words of the wise are used for healing. They are intended to build up, restore, refresh and encourage. This does not mean that the wise person never says anything that is difficult to hear or hard to accept. In the very next verse, we read, "Truthful words stand the test of time." The key is "truthful." We must speak truth to one another, lovingly and boldly. Speaking the truth can sometimes be painful. Words that heal can be words that expose sin, refute lies, demand change, and confront hypocrisy in our lives. Our goal is healing. Our intentions are for good, not evil. We are not attempting to tear someone else down in order to build ourselves up.

What do wise words look like?

  • They’re timely

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time! – Proverbs 15:23 NLT

Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. – Proverbs 25:11 NLT

  • They’re encouraging and enjoyable

Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. – Proverbs 16:24 NLT

The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive. – Proverbs 16:21 NLT

Gentle words are a tree of life… – Proverbs 15:4 NLT

  • They find the good in others

Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth – a stranger, not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:2 NLT

It’s not good to eat too much honey, and it’s not good to seek honors for yourself. – Proverbs 25:27 NLT

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. – Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

  • They’re sometimes reproving

To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. – Proverbs 25:12 NLT

In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery. – Proverbs 28:23 NLT

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live…Get rid of all bitterness, anger, harsh words, and rage, slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. –  Ephesians 4:29-32 NLT

Father, our words carry a lot of weight and can make a huge impact on the lives of others. Help me to listen more and talk less. Give me the wisdom to think before I speak and when I do speak, to consider my words carefully.  Amen.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Proverbs 25

“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone's coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” – Proverbs 25:20 NLT

I love this verse. There's something a bit sarcastic and humorous about it that just brings a smile to my face. I think a big part of what I like about it is that it is so true. When we're down or going through a difficult time, there's nothing worse than that person who walks into the room with a big smile on their face and a mission to motivate us like a cheerleader with a set of pom-poms. There are times when silence is golden and saying nothing really is the best policy. There is nothing wrong with a little positive motivation, but timing is so important, and empathy is even more critical. It is difficult to receive the upbeat cheers of an individual who you believe has no clue what you're going through. And if we're honest, many of us can be guilty of trying to cheer someone up before we even understand why they're down to begin with.

Think about the analogy used in this verse. Singing cheerful songs to a despondent person is like taking their coat away from them on a cold winter's day. It is robbing them of the one thing in which they are finding comfort and consolation. Trying to motivate someone into a sense of joy when they are going through difficulty is callously robbing them of their only source of comfort at that moment. They are down for a reason, and sometimes there is a sense in which our despondency is a source of solace to us. Singing happy songs does not make the problem go away, no more than taking away someone's coat on a winter's day makes the cold go away. They are wearing a coat for a reason. It's cold. They have a heavy heart for a reason. Do we take the time to find out what that reason is? To not do so is like pouring vinegar in a wound. It will burn and sting, but prove to be of no value. There is no medicinal value in vinegar. It is not healing or helpful, only painful.

So what's the point? I think Solomon is telling us that we need to be sensitive to the needs of those to whom we are attempting to minister. Take the time to discover the source of their pain and heartache, don't just try to alleviate it. Taking their coat doesn't get rid of the cold. Getting them to sing happy songs doesn't get rid of their sorrow. Empathy requires time and effort. We have to slow down long enough to understand what is going on. Sometimes we just need to stop singing and start listening. Stop cheering and begin hearing what they have to say. There is a time when words of cheer are appropriate. "Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy to the body" (Proverbs 16:24 NLT). "Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket" (Proverbs 25:11 NLT). "Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up" (Proverbs 12:25 NLT). Timing really is everything. Understanding and empathy are everything else. Think before you cheer.

Father, give me a sensitive heart and a compassion for those around me. Don't let me be a cheerleader, but a true friend who will be there in times of difficulty to comfort, encourage and care. Amen.