Words Can Hurt and Also Heal

1 It was told Joab, “Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 2 So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people, for the people heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” 3 And the people stole into the city that day as people steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle. 4 The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” 5 Then Joab came into the house to the king and said, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life and the lives of your sons and your daughters and the lives of your wives and your concubines, 6 because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased. 7 Now therefore arise, go out and speak kindly to your servants, for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night, and this will be worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now.” 8 Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate. And the people were all told, “Behold, the king is sitting in the gate.” And all the people came before the king.

Now Israel had fled every man to his own home. 9 And all the people were arguing throughout all the tribes of Israel, saying, “The king delivered us from the hand of our enemies and saved us from the hand of the Philistines, and now he has fled out of the land from Absalom. 10 But Absalom, whom we anointed over us, is dead in battle. Now therefore why do you say nothing about bringing the king back?” – 2 Samuel 19:1-10 ESV

David needed a kick in the pants. He may have been king, but he wasn’t acting like one. His faithful followers had just handed him a great victory over Absalom and his forces, returning him to the throne of Israel, but all he could do was weep and mourn over the loss of his son. No explanation is given for David’s deep depression and what appears to be excessive grief over the death of his rebellious son. It’s impossible to know whether David was grieving over the loss of Absalom or if he was suffering remorse over his own sins that had been the impetus for the entire affair. Perhaps David was regretting his less-than-stellar parenting skills that had led to his son’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, his rebellion against him. Whatever the reason behind David’s ongoing grief, it had become a serious problem.

David had returned to power but had ordered no victory celebration to commemorate the occasion. He had offered no words of gratitude to his troops. He had failed to express his condolences to those families whose fathers and sons had died in the battle. In fact, the text makes it clear that David was obsessed with the loss of his son and nothing else. He remained in a perpetual state of mourning, repeating the words, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 19:4 ESV).

David’s dour mood affected the entire city. We’re told the people “crept back into the town that day as though they were ashamed and had deserted in battle” (2 Samuel 19:3 NLT). Absalom’s coup attempt had been successfully shut down but “the joy of that day’s victory was turned into deep sadness” (2 Samuel 19:2 NLT) – all because of David’s lingering sorrow over his son’s death.

David was an emotional wreck and in no state to shepherd the sheep of God. He had regained his throne but had effectively abdicated his responsibilities to lead his people. As he languished in sorrow, they began to lose faith in him. They questioned his love for them, and it seemed that this state of affairs would have gone on indefinitely had Joab not intervened.

As David’s long-time friend and the commander of his army, Joab refused to sit back and watch David squander this great victory and continue to treat his people with contempt. Angered by David’s actions, Joab stepped in and spoke up and, in doing so, he took a great risk. After all, David was the king and Joab had disobeyed his direct order to spare Absalom’s life. He had personally taken it upon himself to execute the king’s son and put an end to the rebellion. Now, he was going to confront the man who could have him put to death for his insubordination. But for Joab, it was worth the risk. Something had to be done. So, in a display of extreme selflessness, Joab entered the king’s chambers and read his friend the riot act.

“Today you have embarrassed all your servants who have saved your life this day, as well as the lives of your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your concubines. You seem to love your enemies and hate your friends! For you have as much as declared today that leaders and servants don’t matter to you.” – 2 Samuel 19:5-6 NLT

Joab pulled no punches and wasted no time with niceties. He didn’t stroke the king’s ego or give him a reassuring hug. He refused to join David in mourning the loss of Absalom because he didn’t share David’s sense of sorrow or regret over Absalom’s death. His decision to kill Absalom was motivated by his love for David and his concern for the well-being of the kingdom. Now, he was putting his own life on the line by dropping a truth bomb on his inconsolable and incapacitated friend.

The Bible has much to say about the power of a well-intended and well-timed rebuke. It is never something we like to do but there are times when it is exactly what we need to do. A rebuke, when done in love, has a curative and restorative quality to it. The apostle James reminds us, “you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins” (James 5:20 NLT). David’s excessive mourning over the loss of Absalom was a sin. He was not only offending the sensibilities of his own people by overlooking all that they had done for him, but he was treating God with contempt by refusing to acknowledge that Absalom’s death had been divinely sanctioned. Through the actions of Joab, God had done what David had refused to do; punish Absalom for his murder of Amnon. David’s inaction led to Absalom’s loss of respect for him and, ultimately, to his decision to replace his father as king. Yet, God had graciously restored David to the throne. The Almighty had thwarted the plans of Absalom and reasserted His sovereign will for His chosen servant, David. But it took a wake-up call from Joab to shake David out of his debilitating state of melancholy and lethargy.

The Proverbs of Solomon have much to say about the topic of rebuke.

Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. – Proverbs 28:23 ESV

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:5-6 ESV

Solomon would go on to discuss the same topic in the Book of Ecclesiastes.

Better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised by a fool. – Ecclesiastes 7:5 NLT

Perhaps Solomon, the son of David and the God-appointed heir to David’s throne learned these lessons from observing his father. He may have recalled his father’s response to Absalom’s death and hearing of Joab’s timely intervention. It’s also likely that he was familiar with the words his father penned in one of his psalms:

Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it. – Psalm 141:5 NLT

What Joab had to say was difficult for David to hear. His words would have stung but they were necessary and exactly what David needed at this point in his life. Blinded by his grief, David was oblivious to the devastating impact his actions were having on all those around him. So Joab was blunt, even harsh, telling David, “You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT).

Those words must have been like a slap in the face to David. But Joab was not done. He continued to berate David, stating, “It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased” (2 Samuel 19:6 NLT). In this obvious use of hyperbole, Joab was trying to shock his friend into recognizing the error of his ways. The exaggerated nature of Joab’s words was intended to elicit some kind of response from his listless friend. His language was meant to shock and shame David in action.

One can only imagine how David’s excessive sorrow over Absalom’s death affected his other children. How were they supposed to take this over-the-top display of sorrow for their murderous and rebellious brother? What about the ten concubines who had been sexually humiliated by Absalom on the palace rooftop? How did they feel when David wept uncontrollably over the loss of his son but refused to address what he had done to them. There is no indication in the text that David ever addressed these women personally or did anything to alleviate their pain and loss.

David’s behavior had become dangerously destructive. His fractured kingdom and damaged reputation needed repair, but his obsession with Absalom’s death was doing more harm than good. So, once again, Joab took matters into his own hands and did what needed to be done. He was willing to wound his friend and risk his own life to save the kingdom – and his efforts worked.

So the king went out and took his seat at the town gate, and as the news spread throughout the town that he was there, everyone went to him. – 2 Samuel 19:8 NLT

Joab put his neck on the line. But why? Because he cared for David. He knew that if he did nothing, the ramifications would be devastating. He warned David, “Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before” (2 Samuel 19:7 NLT). Doing nothing was not an option for Joab. He could not afford to sit back and watch David destroy the kingdom. There was far too much at stake.

As the Proverbs states, faithful are the wounds of a friend. Words, even when spoken in love, can hurt. But if our intention is to restore and reconcile, then the pain will be well worth it. If we are motivated by love, our words, while initially hurtful, will prove helpful in the long run. David was in deep sorrow, but it was a misdirected and unhealthy kind of sorrow that was destroying all those around him. He expressed no sorrow over the 20,000 Israelites who lost their lives in the battle between his forces and those of Absalom. He displayed no regret or repentance for his role in the whole affair. Not once does David confess to God or admit his culpability for all that had taken place. So, in a sense, David’s sorrow was unacceptable because it mourned over the wrong things. The apostle Paul provides a powerful reminder of what godly sorrow really looks like:

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT

Had Joab not spoken up, David might never have woken up to the devastating nature of his actions. Joab’s love is evidenced in his willingness to say the hard things that David needed to hear. To say nothing would have been easier, but it would have been nothing less than an expression of hatred.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

And He Healed Them

14 And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them. 15 But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” they were indignant, 16 and they said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read,

“‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies
    you have prepared praise’?”

17 And leaving them, he went out of the city to Bethany and lodged there. –  Matthew 21:14-17 ESV

After having cleansed His Father’s house, Jesus proceeded to return it to its rightful status as a place of healing and hope. When Solomon had prayed the prayer of dedication over the original temple, he had asked of God, “listen to the plea of your servant and of your people Israel, when they pray toward this place. And listen in heaven your dwelling place, and when you hear, forgive” (1 Kings 8:30 ESV).

Solomon deeply desired that the magnificent building he had constructed would be a place where God’s presence dwelt and where those who approached God in humility could find forgiveness and restoration. Which is why he had prayed, “whatever plague, whatever sickness there is, whatever prayer, whatever plea is made by any man or by all your people Israel, each knowing the affliction of his own heart and stretching out his hands toward this house, then hear in heaven your dwelling place and forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways (for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind)” (1 Kings 8:37-39 ESV).

After His cleansing of the temple, Jesus remained on the grounds, and as He walked through its courtyards, the crowds came to Him. Even the blind and the lame somehow made their way to Him, and Matthew simply states, “He healed them.” And these would be the last healings Jesus would perform in His earthly ministry. Here in His Father’s house, he was extending mercy and grace to those who come to Him with their physical afflictions.

Jesus restored the temple’s status as a house of prayer. Those with physical needs brought their requests to Him, the Son of God, and He not only heard them, but He also healed them. Remember the prayer of Solomon:

“whatever plague, whatever sickness there is, whatever prayer, whatever plea is made…forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways…”

And Solomon had added, “for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind.” Jesus knew their hearts. He was well aware of their true spiritual state. He saw past their physical infirmities and longed to restore their more serious spiritual condition. This is why, within days, He would offer Himself up as a sacrifice for the sins of mankind.

But the reaction of the scribes and Pharisees speaks volumes. Matthew states that when these men saw “saw the wonderful things that he did,” they became indignant. The Greek word translated as “wonderful” refers to something miraculous or marvelous and worthy of admiration. But instead, these men were filled with indignation or displeasure. They were appalled, not awed. Rather than rendering worship to God for what they had witnessed, they reacted with anger. They were offended by the shouts of the children who were declaring, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” And they were appalled that Jesus allowed these ignorant and ill-informed young people to shout their false and dangerous propaganda. 

As far as the Pharisees were concerned, Jesus was either deaf, or He found some kind of perverse delight in hearing these children declare Him to be the Messiah. Either way, He was wrong, and they wanted it stopped. But Jesus calmly responded to them, quoting from one of the psalms, of which they would have been familiar.

You have taught children and infants
    to tell of your strength,
silencing your enemies
    and all who oppose you. – Psalm 8:2 NLT

Earlier, when Jesus had first entered Jerusalem, the crowds had shouted, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” (Luke 19:38 ESV). And the Pharisees had demanded the Jesus rebuke them. But Jesus had told them, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out” (Luke 19:40 ESV). The reality of Jesus’ identity was going to be revealed one way or the other. And now, the children were crying out and declaring that Jesus was the Messiah. These innocent, humble children saw what the well-educated, religious leaders of Israel could not see: The Messiah standing in their midst. Unhampered by religious dogma and man-made doctrines that clouded the mind and obscured the truth of God’s Word, these children were able to respond to the miracles of Jesus with unadulterated awe and wonder.

Their reaction is reminiscent of that of the blind man whom Jesus healed. The restoration of his sight had caused quite a stir because he had been born blind.  And the Pharisees, unable to discount the miracle, demanded that the man give glory to God for his healing and not to Jesus.

So for the second time they called in the man who had been blind and told him, “God should get the glory for this, because we know this man Jesus is a sinner.” – John 9:24 NLT

But the man had simply responded, “I don’t know whether he is a sinner. But I know this: I was blind, and now I can see!” (John 9:25 NLT).

He wasn’t going to have a debate about Jesus’ spiritual qualifications. In his mind, none of that made sense or altered the reality of his miraculous healing. He had been blind, but now he could see. And that’s all he needed to know.

The Pharisees were not stupid. They could see that much of what was taking place around them was further proof of Jesus’ Messiahship. But they refused to admit it or accept it. The shouts of the children were a verbal confirmation, echoing the sentiments of the crowds surrounding Jesus. But the scribes and Pharisees remained stubbornly opposed to Jesus, and blind to the evidence taking place all around them. And yet, they could sense the tide was turning. They were losing control. The influence of Jesus was increasing with each passing day. And as it did, their anger grew, and their desperation to do something about this threat to their power and influence escalated dramatically.

Don’t miss the spiritual battle taking place behind this somewhat idyllic scene. When reading these stories, it’s easy to conjure up the image of Jesus healing the lame and the blind. We can even hear the praises of the children. In our minds, it all appears like some kind of maudlin scene from a Hallmark movie.

But in the background lies the wreckage and confusion left when Jesus assaulted the moneychangers and vendors He had found in the court of the Gentiles. Among the overturned tables and amidst the bleating sheep and bellowing oxen, there were vendors trying to restore order to their once-lucrative booths. And there, lurking in the dark corners, were the religious leaders of Israel, shaking their heads in indignation and disgust. Jesus had once again disrupted the status quo. He had invaded their turf and rocked their religious world. And behind these men stood the prince of this world, Satan himself. He saw Jesus as a threat to his rule and reign and was willing to do anything to eliminate Him.

And Jesus, in a final display of His divine powers, graciously healed the blind and the lame. But Satan, in a last-ditch attempt to thwart the plans of God, would use his influence over the spiritually blind and those sickened by sin, to turn them against the Messiah. The forces of wickedness were gathering against the Son of God. The battle for the souls of mankind was entering its final stages. And here, in the temple courtyard, we see the primary participants in this epic struggle gathering for what will be a spiritual showdown in the city of Jerusalem.

Jesus was about to deal a knockout blow to the powers of sin and death. With His sacrificial death on the cross, Jesus would make possible the restoration of sight to the spiritually blind. He would bring spiritual healing to those disabled by the devastating and deadly curse of sin. He would provide freedom to all those held captive by the prince of this world and struggling under his oppressive rule and reign.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Love, Not Tolerance.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted.

And besides our own comfort, we rejoiced still more at the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all. For whatever boasts I made to him about you, I was not put to shame. But just as everything we said to you was true, so also our boasting before Titus has proved true. And his affection for you is even greater, as he remembers the obedience of you all, how you received him with fear and trembling. I rejoice, because I have complete confidence in you. – 2 Corinthians 7:10-16 ESV

Something had happened within the church at Corinth. There was some situation that had taken place about which Paul was compelled to write a now-lost letter. In that letter he had be forced to confront the issue. He writes, “although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong” (2 Corinthians 7:12 ESV). Paul says the purpose in having written them his confrontational letter had been to reveal to them just how truly loyal they were to him and his leadership. Evidently the individual to whom Paul refers had been critical of his ministry and authority, and “the one who suffered the wrong” had been Paul himself. Paul always had critics. There was no shortage of those individuals who questioned his apostleship or argued against his authority. Whoever this individual was, he had been misleading the church and undermining all the work Paul had done there. So, in this letter, Paul is following up with the Corinthians, after having heard back from Titus, whom he had sent to check on the situation first-hand. The report from Titus was encouraging. “Therefore we are comforted,” Paul proudly states. They had remained committed to Paul’s teaching and committed to following his leadership. In fact, Paul states that any grief or sorrow his letter might have produced, had resulted in “a repentance that leads to salvation without regret” (2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV). That is why he can refer to it as godly sorrow, rather than worldly sorrow. The sorrow associated with this world can only produce death. Sorrow over sin that does not result in a willingness to repent of it can not produce life change. Sorrow over sin that does not drive us to the foot of the cross for cleansing by Christ’s blood can never produce life. Worldly sorrow can only produce despair, resentment, anger, and a growing callousness. We find ourselves becoming less and less sorrowful over our sin, finally reaching the point where we claim that we have not sinned at all.

But for believers, godly sorrow produces repentance, and repentance leads to forgiveness. Paul points out that the sorrow of the Corinthians had had a positive outcome.

Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right. – 2 Corinthians 7:11 NLT

It had revealed their desire to do what was right. They had been saddened at the thought that their actions had caused Paul pain. They were motivated to show him that they remained faithful to him. It alarmed them that their behavior had led Paul to question their loyalty. And they realized that they had been lax in dealing with the one who had been causing the trouble.  All Paul had done was point out their sin. The Holy Spirit had done the rest. He had used the words of Paul to convict the Corinthians and the outcome was their repentance and the restoration of their relationship with Paul.

Paul even comments that Titus had been encouraged by his visit to check on the Corinthians. Paul says, “his spirit has been refreshed by you all” (2 Corinthians 7:13b ESV). He returned joyful and telling Paul that all his boasts about the Corinthians had been true.

Paul ends this section of his letter with the word, “I have complete confidence in you” (2 Corinthians 7:16 ESV). It is the same he started it. “I have great confidence in you; I take great pride on your behalf. I am filled with encouragement; I am overflowing with joy in the midst of all our suffering” (2 Corinthians 7:4 NET). Paul was encouraged greatly by the news that the Corinthians had not wandered away from the faith or rejected his role as their spiritual father. He had a deep, deep longing to see them grow spiritually. He had a father’s heart that desired to protect his spiritual children from harm and to keep them from straying away from the truth. So the news that they remained faithful was enough to help Paul make it through the trials and troubles he faced as he continued to share the gospel throughout Macedonia and the surrounding regions. He could rest easy knowing that his flock in Corinth remained safe and secure. His loving confrontation had resulted in their sorrow. Their sorrow had led to their repentance. And their repentance had resulted in their salvation. They had been rescued or delivered from a potentially destructive path. Because of the love of Paul and with the help of the Holy Spirit, they had been able to make a course correction and return to the path God had intended for them to follow. But what if Paul had never written that now-missing letter? What if he had chosen to ignore their sin? What if he had refused to confront them because he didn’t want to offend them? Love is not the same as tolerance. Godly love is willing to say the hard thing. It compassionately confronts. It affectionately admonishes. Allowing a brother or sister in Christ to continue in sin because you don’t want to offend them isn’t love. That would be like allowing your child to play in the street because you don’t want to spoil all their fun, because you don’t want to come across as the “bad” parent. But that’s not love, it’s a subtle and dangerous form of child abuse. Godly love is willing to hurt. Godly love is willing to produce godly sorrow, because godly sorrow leads to repentance and life.

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. – James 5:19-20 NLT

Practical Prayer.

If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. – 1 John 5:16-17 ESV

John has just finished encouraging his readers “that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us” (1 John 5:14 ESV). Now he provides a practical example of that kind of prayer. It is a scenario that each and every one of us has experienced at one time or another in our lives as believers. We have all found ourselves at one time or another in the unpleasant position of having seen a fellow brother or sister in Christ committing a sin of some kind. It could be that we caught them in a lie or we discovered a moral indiscretion. John's seems to be referring to a sin that is visible, not hidden. And his point is that the sin that is seen is one being committed by a believer. When that happens, we are to pray. We are to take the matter to God. This does not necessarily mean that we are not to confront the one we have witnessed committing the sin. James makes it clear that we have an obligation to help turn a brother from his son. “My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20 ESV). We are to do all that we can to help bring back a sinner from his wandering. But John's counsel is to begin with prayer. We are to take the matter to God. This is wise advice, because, ultimately, repentance is the work of the Spirit of God. We can confront, but God must convict. We can expose the sin, but only God can expose and expunge the sin from the heart of the sinner. So we must begin with prayer. We must pray for wisdom, so that what we say is communicated in love and in truth. We must pray for the Spirit to prepare the heart of the one who has sinned, so that they might be receptive to our words. We must ask God to bring about conviction and a heart of repentance. John indicates that our prayer will give the one for whom we pray life. Ultimately, it is God who gives life. We must always understand that our words accomplish nothing. It is God alone who can bring back a sinner from his sin. But God may use us in the process. We must remember that God has placed us in the body of Christ for a reason. We are to care for and love one another. At times that takes the form of admonishment and requires loving confrontation, but it must always be done wisely and under the direction of the Holy Spirit.

In this passage John speaks of two kinds of sin. He encourages us to pray for a brother or sister in Christ who has committed a sin that does not lead to death. But he also refers to a sin that does lead to death. What is he talking about? What is this sin that leads to death? I think the key to understanding this passage is to remember the context. This entire letter began with the encouragement to remember that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of God. John has spent the entire letter giving proof as to the deity of Jesus and providing evidence of His claim to be the Savior of the world. For John, the rejection of Jesus as Savior is the sin that leads to death. That is why he makes it clear that our prayer is to be for a fellow believer. And our prayer is to be for any and all sins a believer in Jesus Christ might commit. But it does not include the sin of rejecting Christ as Savior, because the one for whom we are praying is a believer. For anyone who refuses to accept Jesus Christ as the Son of God and their sin-substitute, the consequences are deadly. To deny Jesus as Savior is to remain dead in your trespasses and sins and under God's sentence of eternal separation from Him. “The distinction between the two sins must be found in the fact that sin ‘unto death’ is the Christ-rejecting behavior evidenced by those who also deny their own sinfulness, their need for atonement, and Christ’s ability to provide that atonement. Their sin is deadly because in the context of their current fundamental attitude towards Christ they have no hope of atonement’” (Tim Ward, ‘Sin “Not unto Death” and Sin “Unto Death” in 1 John 5:16’, Churchman 109 (1995), 236). This is not to say that we should refuse to pray for the lost. That is not John's point. His emphasis in this passage is to call believers to take sin seriously and pray for one another. He is providing a clear example of what it means to love one another. We love one another the most when we desire for one another God's best. Sin should be unacceptable to us – whether in our own life or in the life of a fellow believer. We should love one another enough to risk offense for the sake of our brother's spiritual condition. Love for our brother should outweigh fear of rejection. Their holiness should mean far more to us than their temporary happiness. Paul would have us remember, “For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There's no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death” (2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT). So don't be afraid to speak up. But before you do, make sure you lift up the matter to God.