Proverbs 27

“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:6 NLT

Let's face it. Relationships are messy. Living with others can be difficult at times. But there is a huge advantage to living in true biblical community. And the Proverbs have a lot to say about the impact of wisdom and foolishness on our relationships. A fool is self-centered and myopic, only thinking about himself and tends to live with a certain level of insensitivity. He doesn't think about how his words and actions will impact those around him. He doesn't even care. But a man or woman of wisdom understands their responsibility to care about and care for those around them and the live accordingly. Those who live in true community understand that words are powerful. They know that there will be times when words of encouragement are needed, but also times when a word of warning or rebuke is necessary. In a healthy relationship to withhold a much-deserved rebuke is as wrong as refusing to express our love verbally.  "An open rebuke is better than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5 NLT). While correction and criticism is never easy to receive, a true friend will care enough about us to tell us the hard truth. "Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6 NLT). Fools will tell us what we want to hear. They will tell us how wonderful we think we are, but overlook the faults in our lives that are preventing us from being who God wants us to be. False flattery is deadly. It puffs us up and gives us a false sense of confidence and feeds our self-righteousness. But a true friend will tell us the truth, even if it hurts. "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend" (Proverbs 27:17 NLT). Friendships should involve friction. But it should productive friction. As we rub up against one another in our relationships there should be a certain give-and-take that allows us to push, prod, and pull each other towards increasing righteousness.

Many of our relationships are shallow and dishonest. We refuse to speak truth into one another's lives. We openly tolerate godlessness and flatter one another with words of kindness when what we really need is a swift kick in the pants and a dose of reality. But many of us are afraid to play hardball in our relationships because we fear what others may say about how we live our lives. We're afraid that if we critique someone else's life, it will leave the door open for them to return the favor. And we're exactly right – it will. And we should welcome it. The truth is, most of us have no idea what we're really like. We can't see our faults and weaknesses. Our foolish friends will leave us thinking we don't have any. But a true friend will point them out in a loving, caring way, and help us take steps to correct them. They are able to look into our lives and see our heart, something we can't do on our own. "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person" (Proverbs 27:19 NLT). We need one another. We need real relationships that produce real life change. True biblical community is messy. It involves transparency, accountability, honesty, humility, patience and love. It takes work, but it is worth it. Cultivating true community has long-term, real-life benefits. "Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father's. When disaster strikes, you won't have to ask your brother for assistance. It's better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away" (Proverbs 27:10 NLT).

Father, You designed us for community, but what most of us experience in our relationships isn't even close to what You had in mind. We are fake, shallow, dishonest and far too tolerant of ungodly behavior in one another. Give us a boldness to live in true community. Give us a desire to live in righteous relationships where we truly sharpen one another like iron sharpens iron. Amen.

Ken Miller

Grow Pastor & Minister to Men kenm@christchapelbc.org